EXTRACT | “I felt alone in my loss. Alone in my pain”

ABOUT THE BOOK

Acclaimed singer-songwriter, author, and spiritual mentor Nianell is set to unveil her most transformative work yet: the teaching memoir, A Song That’s Yet Unsung. This isn’t just a book; it’s a profound, multi-sensory journey designed to be felt, not just read.

A Song That’s Yet Unsung chronicles Nianell’s intimate path from the dizzying heights of global musical success, with platinum albums like Who Painted the Moon? to a raw, life-altering spiritual awakening. Through poetic, unflinchingly honest reflection, she shares her journey through fame, heartbreak, motherhood, and metaphysical discovery, ultimately revealing a powerful call to remember our inherent worth and choose love over fear.

What sets A Song That’s Yet Unsung apart is its revolutionary integration of music into the reading experience. The book weaves together teachings, stories, and 30 of Nianell’s original songs—each reflecting her thoughts and emotions at pivotal moments in her life. QR codes placed throughout the memoir allow readers to instantly access the corresponding tracks, creating a powerful synergy between narrative and melody. This immersive approach invites readers to not only understand the teachings intellectually but to feel them on a soul-deep level, embodying Nianell’s mantra: “Feel It, To Be It.”

The music doesn’t just decorate the stories; it is the stories. It is the emotional language that perfectly complements the practical techniques and profound insights she offers to simplify our everyday lives and reconnect with the source of all life.

A Song That’s Yet Unsung is the ultimate embodiment of this work—an authentic, vulnerable testament to the human spirit’s capacity to rise, reinvent, and reconnect with the divine rhythm of life.

EXTRACT

Awakening

It was a cold winter day, and I was having breakfast at a guesthouse in Bloemfontein. I was scheduled to do two performances that day, one at 10am and one that evening.

At around 8am, however, I received the tragic news that my mom had passed away in her sleep after having a back operation two days prior. My mom was only 66 years old, and her passing was so unexpected. I remember sitting at the table with some of the musicians I was going to perform with, telling one of the guys that I had woken up that morning with a very strange feeling that I just could not explain. That was when I saw my husband approaching, and I got up and walked towards him, sensing that something was very wrong. When he told me that my mother had died, I remember turning around to run away from this horrible news, but my legs gave way, and I fell to the ground. Somewhere far away, I could hear someone scream and then I realised it was me. I tried to get up, just to fall again. I never thought that I would react in such a dramatic and over-the-top way. I always thought that I would just become very quiet in a situation like that, but my body was doing things on its own. I had no control over it. I felt sick and ran to the bathroom and stayed there on the floor in front of the toilet for hours, sobbing.

Now and again, my husband, who was also my manager, would come in and ask me if I was okay and what to do about the performances that I was supposed to do that night and the one the next day in Cape Town. The scheduled shows for that day were a collaboration with a group called ‘Romanz’, so thankfully, we did not have to cancel as they could do the performances on their own. I remember looking at him, wishing that he could assist me at that moment by making the decisions on my behalf so that I would not have to deal with the responsibility of work, as well as the death of my mother at the same time. I felt like he was expecting me to do the shows; it was, after all, our livelihood, and we had three children to support. Because of this, I told him that I would not do that evening’s show but that I would do the Cape Town show the next day. I felt alone in my loss. Alone in my pain.

I was completely alone now. I felt that the one person who truly understood, supported and loved me was gone. My mom was my best friend, and at that stage of my life, I did not have many friends. Looking back now, I know that because I did not know how to allow people to help me, I felt alone in my worst moments. I had this limiting belief that I had to do everything on my own, and when we believe something, we will create a reality that proves that belief to us.

I landed in Cape Town the next morning to perform for 500 people at a lovely theatre that evening. I was emotional and tired, but I forced myself to go beyond the pain of my loss by just focusing on what I needed to do. I ran into a fellow artist, a well-known and very popular Afrikaans singer/songwriter, Theuns Jordaan, at the airport. He came up to me to give me his condolences, and then he asked me if I would be okay to sing that evening, because if I needed, he could do the show for me or at least help me out in case I could not cope. I was so amazed at his generous and kind offer. I did not expect that at all, but I reassured him that I would be fine. He, however, did come that night and sat backstage just in case I needed him. It was one of my most intense shows ever. My mom was with me on that stage the entire time, encouraging me. I sang my heart out for her. Every song was for her. She did not miss another show after that night.

I was ‘managing’ just fine. I was truly a pro because, throughout the years, I had learnt that the show must go on, no matter what. I did feel, however, that it would be a nice treat for my audience if Theuns Jordaan came on to sing a few songs. I also wanted them to know what a beautiful act of compassion he had shown me that night, so I called him on stage to sing. It is acts of kindness like this that make me love humanity so much, and if we pay attention, we will see that it happens all the time. If I had paid attention, I would have noticed that there was always help available to me, the support offered, and so many people willing to help me along the way. My limiting belief that I had to do it all on my own, however, blinded me.

Early the following Monday morning, I was on a plane to Namibia for my mom’s funeral. After my show on Saturday, I was frantically arranging for a photo that I had taken of my mom during our last visit together to be enlarged and framed for her funeral. I wanted everyone to see how beautiful my mom was, and this was very important to me. My mom took such good care of her appearance. She always had her nails done and wore jewellery that she made herself. I wanted everyone to say goodbye to my mom, looking her best.

We landed in Windhoek, and it took us over an hour to get through customs. I was so scared that we were going to be late for the funeral, and because I had not been in that area for years, I could not remember the way to my childhood church. Thankfully, we found it just in time, and I managed to open the beautiful, framed photo of my mom and place it in the front of the already-full church. There was no time to chat with my two sisters, but we did arrange beforehand that, because I was the eldest, I would say a few words.

After the ceremony, I was called to the front and I remember standing there, telling everyone how beautiful my mom was and that she was such an extraordinary lady, when I heard her voice in my head saying that she could not believe that none of her daughters were going to sing for her at her funeral.

My sister, who is 10 years younger than I am, is also a singer. I had no intention of singing; I did not even think of it, but here, my mom was making it clear that she wanted me to sing for her. At that moment, I granted my mom her wish and I sang the song ‘Miracles’ that I wrote on the ‘Experiencing the Miraculous’ tour. I do not know how I did it, because everyone was crying. My dad was sitting right in front of me, and he was heartbroken, but I was not going to let my mom down and I fought hard to hold it together for her sake.

I held it together for another nine months and then I could not do it anymore. During this time, my mom was with me every step of the way, guiding me and supporting me for what was to come. I did not feel like singing anymore. It felt to me like I had lost my spark, and I decided to go on a journey to heal myself. I loved my mother so much, and since I was a little girl, I thought it was my job to save her.

But before I could save her, she was gone. My mom was my best friend at that stage of my life, the only friend I allowed inside my heart, and I felt like I had lost all purpose in life. I realised that most of the success I had created was for my mom. But now, my mom was not the one who needed to be saved anymore, I needed saving. I soon learnt that we can’t save anyone. It took another few years to realise that no one was coming to save me and that only I could save myself.

Extract provided by Janine Daniels (J Doubled Publicity). A Song That’s Yet Unsung: When Nothing is Known, Anything is Possible is published by Reach Publishers.