Even shorter shrift for Des
Des van Rooyen had a spring in his step as he walked towards his seat in the National Assembly on Wednesday. You could see his face beaming with pride as speaker Thoko Didiza congratulated him on his new role as chief whip of the MK Party — the country’s official opposition. Finally, people were going to have to take him seriously. No more would he be saddled with the “Mr Weekend Special” moniker, earned after he became the first person in the country’s history to last just 48 hours as finance minister.
Not even a jab from the DA’s George Michalakis could dampen his spirits. Michalakis had sought to spoil the festive mood by rising to ask Didiza, “Madam Speaker, I just want to know if [Van Rooyen’s appointment] will last beyond the weekend.”
His question was laughed off as “tjatjarag” by MK Party MPs.
However, before the rooster crowed the next morning, MK Party boss Jacob Zuma had disowned the decision to appoint Van Rooyen — causing Mr Weekend Special’s colleagues to describe his 24-hour tenure rather as a “one-night stand”.
Trust issues
Former judge John Hlophe must have thought being a deputy president meant you were actually in charge when the president was out of the country. With Zuma abroad seeking selfies with Burkina Faso military ruler Ibrahim Traoré, Hlophe thought it was time for an MK Party parliamentary shake-up. Hence his decision to remove out-of-sorts chief whip Colleen Makhubele and replace her with Van Rooyen. But he was about to experience a rude awakening.
The impeached judge may have gained a reputation for being a Zuma loyalist after allegedly trying to persuade two Constitutional Court judges to rule in Zuma’s favour by uttering the words “ses’thembele kunina” (we have put our trust in you), but the Nkandla Crooner simply doesn’t put his trust in anyone — not even his deputy.
By now, Hogarth would have thought, Hlophe must have figured out that in the MK Party Ubabaka ka Duduzane always has the final word, and no-one gets to convince him of anything except through his eyes and ears — one Magasela Mzobe.
Not-so-learned colleague
With Hlophe already in the MK Party departure lounge, Hogarth wasn’t surprised when he didn’t even bother to show up in parliament on Thursday afternoon to hear President Cyril Ramaphosa respond to a question Hlophe himself had posed to him in writing. The speaker had to read out the question in Hlophe’s absence. But when she referred to him as “the leader of the opposition”, DA leader and agriculture minister John Steenhuisen rose on a point of order. “It’s ‘former leader of the opposition’,” he protested, before feigning concern about who would succeed the former judge. “It’s none of your business,” cried out MK Party backbenchers.
His remarks must have stung, because later the MK Party’s Brian Molefe felt it necessary to have the last word on the matter. When asking a question of the president, Molefe quipped, “Honourable Steenhuisen must focus on his first-year studies first,” referring to the awkward truth that, after years of facing criticism for not having any post-matric qualifications, the DA leader is now undertaking a correspondence degree at Unisa.
Mr Step-and-fetch-it
Populism, it would appear, also has short legs. Remember how sports minister Gayton McKenzie was spitting fury just a few weeks ago over that Bafana yellow-card blunder that nearly cost South Africa its spot in the 2026 Fifa World Cup? Despite it being clear government ministers had no power to do anything about the matter, he went around telling media houses that heads would have to roll. Well, reality has finally caught up with him, and he has had to issue a statement backtracking on his threat and accepting the ridiculous explanation given by Safa as to why its team manager, one Vincent Tseka, did not know Bafana player Tebogo Mokoena was ineligible to play in a game.
“The fact that he [Tseka] went to buy ice [when Mokoena received a yellow card during the match against Benin, making him ineligible to play against Lesotho] speaks to the fact that, [though] it was not even his job, [he nevertheless showed real commitment in the circumstances]. Tseka made a mistake, but what I like about Safa is that [it has] put in place measures [to ensure it does not] happen again.”
The minister was unclear as to what these measures were, but if they include hiring someone to buy ice for the team, Hogarth thinks the statement proved the minister to be the perfect, er, “ice boy” for Safa.
Potus all over the place
The leader of the so-called free world is as bad with geography as he is with history and economics. The other day, while he was talking about the role played in hosting Cuban dissidents, he somehow, instead of referring to Cuba, said the objectors were “fleeing communist tyranny in South Africa”. Well, while SACP boss Solly “Reconfiguration” Mapaila may not be a pleasant politician to listen to on a Sunday, the poor guy has no absolute power over anyone.
Perceiving his embarrassing geography gaffe, Trump promptly changed the subject from Miami to his not coming to the G20 summit in Johannesburg this month. He said South Africa should “not even be in the Gs any more”, whatever that may mean.
Hogarth is of the view that, if the Orange One can’t tell his Tony Montanas from his Lucky Montanas, perhaps he has no business coming here after all.
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