HOGARTH | Chicken to face the music

By coming for him on a Wednesday, police must have thought they’d take Julius Mkhwanazi by surprise. The previous time they arrested him, on a Friday evening as usual, there was an irritating game of hide and seek — he was not at his usual address. So, cunningly, the police descended on the suspended Ekurhuleni metro police chief in mid-week.

But when prosecutors have a bottomless well of criminal charges to bring against you, you adopt the Scouts’ motto, “be prepared”. Thus, when the police van pulled up at Mkhwanazi’s door for the fourth time on Wednesday, he was ready to take on the challenge of police cell swill — he stepped out his door armed with a brown paper bag holding what appeared to be a Nando’s full chicken meal.

Blood is thicker than champagne

Hogarth hears that Kaizer Chiefs have hired yet another French-speaking coach who can barely string a sentence together in English. The previous coach had the same problem and brought along two interpreters, who doubled as his assistant coaches. When the club’s management grew tired of translated dialogues with the coach, they fired him and replaced him with his assistants. The assistants were also let go at the end of last season. Hence the new coach. He too has come with an assistant who works as his interpreter. The two look a bit alike, which prompted one Chiefs fan to post a social media video claiming the new coach decided to hire his own son as interpreter to lessen the chances of betrayal. The response from one social media was: “That’s why [Jacob] Zuma brought his son [Duduzane] closer to him as MK Party deputy president.”

Did Hogarth hear anyone shout “family business”?

Double jeopardy for judge John

Speaking of Duduzane’s promotion, Hogarth feels for John Hlophe, the former judge president of sesithembele kinina (“we place our hopes on you”) fame. After being impeached for having tried to improperly influence Constitutional Court judges involved in a Zuma legal matter over a decade ago, Hlophe threw his lot with the Nkandla Crooner — giving up the court robes for ridiculous MK Party military fatigues. For his sacrifices, he was made first deputy president of the party — though he then had to put up with endless sniping from Zuma’s daughter, Duduzile, and her friend Nhlamulo Ndhlela.

He thought he could heave a sigh of relief when the patriarch finally approved the expulsion of Duduzile and Nhlamulo from the party in June. Now, a few short weeks later, he’s been bundled out of the job to make way for Duduzile’s twin, Duduzane.

Nepo babies of the struggle

The one MK Party staffer who is working overtime to stay in the Nkandla Crooner’s is one Sifiso Mahlangu, the former editor of The Star who is now the official mouthpiece of the party. Asked by a TV presenter if Duduzane’s appointment as MK Party deputy president confirmed the view that the party was “just Jacob Zuma’s family party”, Mahlangu retorted: “Well, then the ANC was [Nelson] Mandela’s family party because president Mandela appointed his wife, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, as deputy minister of arts & culture. The children of Walter Sisulu, such as Lindiwe Sisulu, were ministers in this government, and Naledi Pandor is a child of a struggle stalwart…"

No sense of history.

Podcast plague

Meanwhile at Luthuli House, Fikile Mbalula seems to be having a hard time managing the fallout that often accompanies a party stalwart participating in a podcast. A few weeks ago, former National Assembly Speaker Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula caused a stir when she claimed Mbalula had instructed the ANC caucus to vote against parliament’s report on Phala Phala.

Mbalula chose not to dignify that accusation with a response. But this week it was the turn of Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma, the former wife of Jacob Zuma and home affairs minister. Dlamini-Zuma told Mbuyiseni Ndlozi’s African Renaissance podcast that in 2022 Mbalula distributed cash to ANC delegates to ensure he was elected party secretary-general. Mbalula is now threatening to take her to court.

It would seem that Mbaks has grown tired of the way party veterans are using podcasts to rewrite history and absolve themselves of blame for the ANC’s past failings.