SIBONGILE QUNTANA | The gambling debt paid in violence and stolen childhoods

As we mark the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence under the 2025 theme “Break Barriers, Build Safe Spaces”, we must confront the uncomfortable intersections of addiction and violence that shatter South African families.

While physical and emotional abuse often receive the most attention in conversations about domestic violence, another equally destructive force frequently goes unnoticed — the effect of problem gambling on families and relationships. This often-hidden issue is not simply a personal struggle but is deeply intertwined with cycles of abuse within families.

The toxic relationship between gambling addiction and domestic violence creates devastating consequences for adult victims, who may endure not only financial hardship but also psychological and physical harm.

Most tragically, this destructive cycle does not end with adults. Children, caught in the crossfire, are exposed to painful lessons about conflict, power and love. They learn, often unconsciously, that violence and manipulation are acceptable responses to stress and adversity, shaping their understanding of relationships and emotional expression. This perpetuates a legacy of trauma, making it critical to recognise and address the profound impact of problem gambling within the broader context of domestic violence.

The South African Responsible Gambling Foundation, which is dedicated to mitigating gambling harm, sees this crisis unfold daily. In many cases handled by the foundation, the psychological and at times physical scars of violence and abuse are clearly visible among family members who have sought treatment and counselling from the foundation’s social services department.

This department features a dedicated team of social workers who stand at the forefront of addressing the destructive impact of problem gambling within families. These professionals work tirelessly, not only supporting individuals struggling with addiction but also providing essential care to those affected by the resulting violence, helping to restore safety and healing in the home environment.

A comprehensive 2022 review of global research established that individuals with gambling disorders exhibit significantly higher rates of perpetrating domestic and family violence. This isn’t merely about isolated incidents of frustration after a bad bet; it’s about a systemic pattern where addiction fuels violence and violence enables addiction.

The violence stemming from problem gambling manifests in distinct but interconnected forms. Situational violence erupts impulsively; a partner’s questioning about missing money triggers explosive rage after substantial gambling losses. The gambler, overwhelmed by shame, financial pressure and the altered mental state of addiction, lashes out physically or verbally. This reactive aggression creates a home environment perpetually on the brink of eruption, where any conversation about finances can become dangerous.

The gambler, trapped in a cycle of chasing losses, may blame their family for their financial pressure, further justifying their aggression in their own mind. The home transforms from a place of refuge into a transactional space where safety is traded for the next potential win.

More calculated and perhaps more devastating is the coercive control that intertwines with gambling addiction. Here, violence is not just reactive but also a tool for domination. A partner may use intimidation, emotional abuse and isolation to control household resources, demanding income, stealing savings or coercing their partner into taking on debt to fund their gambling. This creates a prison of economic dependency and fear.

Studies indicate that partners of people with gambling problems can be up to 11 times more likely to suffer physical assault severe enough to require emergency medical care.

The financial devastation wrought by gambling acts as a powerful accelerant. As savings vanish and debts mount, ordinary family stresses, like paying for school fees, groceries, or electricity become acute crises. The gambler, trapped in a cycle of chasing losses, may blame their family for their financial pressure, further justifying their aggression in their own mind. The home transforms from a place of refuge into a transactional space where safety is traded for the next potential win.

While the adult victim bears the direct brunt of violence, the most profound and lasting injustice is inflicted upon the children witnessing this cycle.

Research reveals a harrowing overlap: in 30-60% of homes where domestic violence occurs, child maltreatment is also present. When a parent struggles with a gambling problem, the risk to children intensifies exponentially as their children become two-thirds more likely to suffer abuse than their peers in the general population.

These children are far more than passive witnesses, they are unwilling students in a brutal curriculum. Research has found that children exposed to both direct abuse and domestic violence face exponentially higher risks for severe, long-term psychological harm. Their developing brains bathe in toxic stress, which can dysregulate their nervous systems and alter brain structures responsible for emotion and impulse control.

The developmental fallout is age-specific and heartbreaking:

• Young children may exhibit constant anxiety, unexplained irritability, developmental regression like bed-wetting, or a fearful clinginess to non-abusive caregivers.
• School-age children often struggle with concentration, leading to academic decline. They may socially withdraw, plagued by shame, or conversely, mimic the aggression they see at home, bullying peers and acting out.
• Adolescents face the highest risk of internalising and externalising these traumatic lessons. They are significantly more likely to experience depression, engage in substance abuse, run away from home or perpetuate violence in their own dating relationships, thus continuing the intergenerational cycle.

Perhaps the most corrosive lesson they learn is that love and violence are intertwined, that trust is ephemeral and that home, the very place meant to be their safest space, is a source of danger and unpredictability. They learn to navigate the world on high alert, a survival skill that becomes a profound disability in forming healthy relationships later in life.

This year’s 16 Days theme should not be merely a slogan; it should be a precise prescription for addressing this nexus. We must break the barriers of silence, stigma and systemic silos that allow this cycle to continue. We must build safer spaces through integrated, compassionate support.

First, we must break the barrier of public misunderstanding. Problem gambling is too often dismissed as a personal failing or a harmless vice. We must reframe it in the public discourse as what it is, a potent mental health disorder and a major risk factor for family violence and childhood trauma.

Second, we must break the barrier of fragmented support systems. A person calling a domestic violence helpline may never be asked about gambling, just as someone seeking gambling counselling may not be adequately screened for perpetrating or experiencing violence. This is a critical failure. We need integrated protocols where screening for one automatically involves assessment for the other. The National Responsible Gambling Programme’s helpline and the National Domestic Violence Helpline should operate with a shared understanding and a pathway for cross-referral.

Third, and most crucially, we must build a safe space for healing childhood trauma. We cannot hope to break the intergenerational cycle if we only treat the adults. We must advocate for and fund accessible, culturally sensitive, trauma-informed counselling for children exposed to gambling-related family violence. Schools and community centres can become sites for early intervention, teaching emotional regulation and conflict resolution to counter the violent models seen at home.

The stakes are nothing less than our nation’s emotional future. Every child raised in the quiet terror of gambling-fuelled violence carries those scars into the world, affecting their capacity to learn, work, love and parent.

By confronting the link between addiction and violence with clear eyes and collective action, we do more than protect vulnerable adults, we safeguard the psychological well-being of the next generation. We build safer spaces, one home, one healed child at a time.

Sibongile Simelane Quntana is the executive director of the South African Responsible Gambling Foundation