HOGARTH | Maimane’s ‘thuma mina’ moment

Mmusi Maimane used to hold an important position in parliament: leader of the opposition. Although the party he led then, the DA, was too small to be seen as an alternative to Jacob Zuma’s ANC, Maimane ran his own shadow cabinet.

Now that he has branched out of the DA and set up his own stall, he must be finding it difficult to lead a one-man caucus as Bosa’s sole MP.

So when the opportunity came this week for opposition parties to come up with their candidate for chair of the impeachment committee to investigate Cupcake and the strange stuffing in his sofa, Maimane fancied he had a good chance. But when nobody mentioned the pastor-turned-politician’s name, Maimane did a “thuma mina” and nominated himself.

In a meeting dominated by Zuma’s MK Party and Julius Malema’s EFF, he stood little chance. They went with Wonderboy Mahlatsi of United Africans Transformation, who lost to the ANC-favoured Rise Mzansi MP Makashule Gana, who used to be Maimane’s junior in the DA.

Pity — the title of chair of the impeachment committee would have been a cute birthday gift for the preacher-man MP who turned 46 yesterday.

Is daddy dumping Dudu?

Down in Nkandla, it would seem that Duduzile is no longer Baba kaDuduzane’s favourite daughter. In a statement issued by Baba’s MKP this week, the current party secretary-general saw it necessary to tell the world that Dudu was merely an “ordinary member” of the party and carried no authority.

As they say in those parts of the country, “ziyakhala ke manje” — her troubles are on loudspeaker. Daddy dearest has run out of members to reshuffle and is now coming after his own family.

Tribal tripe from a twerp

Still in the province with the name and surname, there is this former radio presenter, Ngizwe Mchunu, who now goes around mobilising crowds against foreign-born Africans. He seems to be enjoying the media attention he’s been getting lately, and he now holds regular addresses to citizens as if he were Cupcake during lockdown.

The other day he summoned cameras to make this “important” statement: “By the ruling of law, by the word ‘democracy’, it should be that the majority of people in parliament are Zulus because there is more of us than everyone else and we are the most influential … Even in their homelands they [other ethnic groups] sing in Zulu…”

Somebody please get this tribalist a crash course on our population breakdown and a bit of history.

Bafana should give him a kick

In a separate anti-immigration meeting days later, Ngizwe singled out US President Donald Trump for praise, saying The Orange One was an inspiration. Now Hogarth has no problem with one xenophobe praising another. What Hogarth does not get is why, in praising Trump, Ngizwe felt the need to take a dig at Bafana Bafana, who are currently in the Americas representing the country at the Fifa World Cup.

“They [Trump’s America] are going to host the World Cup right now. Our boys are going there to come back soon,” Ngizwe said.

May Bafana make him eat a humble pie.

In the pound seats?

Even with all these threats against foreign-born Africans, it is touching to see that South Africa’s neighbours have not abandoned us. Kenya’s President William Ruto was in town the other day for a state visit and brought along a massive group of Kenyan businesspeople looking to do deals in South Africa.

In his opening remarks during an engagement with the businesspeople, President Cyril Ramaphosa light-heartedly said he could smell that there was money in the room. Given that McBuffalo is known for depositing US dollars in furniture, Hogarth wondered if any of the Kenyan businessfolk were tempted to look under their seats to see if they could find some.