Nokulinda Mkhize is a sangoma, writer, integral coach with a qualification from the UCT Graduate School of Business and an advocate for blending traditional wisdom with modern life. Her second book Kitchen Wisdom: What We Hate to Hear But Need to Know About Men and Romance is releasing on Valentine's Day.
“The book comes from my observation as a sangoma that many women try to juggle being successful while wishing to find a decent, nurturing adult romantic relationship with a man,” she said. “Women complain that amadoda awayekeki (men are irresistible) but, at the same time, modern romance is bringing them enormous pain and heartache. This confusion leads women to make terrible compromises to secure a man's affections.
“A lot of advice about men that we heard in the kitchen from women in our lives remains true today. They've spotted the patterns, learnt the lessons and emerged wiser.” We should share principles like “Never Chase A Man,” and “Do Not Do Wife Things Before You Are The Wife.”
It also warns about “Fake Friends and Frenemies” who destroy women's communities of support, which are important for women to have lives beyond male interest and attention.
Who is Nokulinda Mkhize?
I'm an isangoma and author, born and raised in Pietermaritzburg. I grew up in Zimbabwe, Swaziland, Mpumalanga and Durban and now live in the Midlands with my husband and four children.
Why did you start writing?
I'm inspired by the cultural intelligence and traditions of my people and advocate for blending traditional wisdom with modern life. My work is rooted in the lessons passed down by the women in my family and community. I wrote a column for City Press in 2013, and published Homiematrimony, a parenting and relationship blog, between 2014 and 2019. I write on my experiences and observations of urban life, motherhood, marriage and the social, spiritual and cultural tensions of living in a capitalist world.
Is this your first book?
Kitchen Wisdom is my second book. My first book, Ancestory: Ancient Lessons for Modern Life, was published in 2022. I'm excited to share it. I love community and the way women share resilience, courage, innovation and care in spite of social, traditional and economic challenges.
What's your favourite book?
I don’t have one. Reading, listening to or telling a story is my happy place. Stories connect us. They teach, warn, affirm and entertain us. My writing style combines all these elements.
What's your aim with the book?
It's for women ready to reclaim their love lives, heal heartaches and grow from their experiences. It's packed with practical insights for self-development and navigating relationships and is a compass for romance and a tribute to the unbreakable bonds of sisterhood.
Where do you find your creative energy?
Creative energy is innate to the human spirit. Family support gives me the courage and conviction to do what I do. I'm affirmed by the positive impact of my work in my community, especially over 17 years as an isangoma.
Where will the book be available?
It launches on February 14. It can be found on my website: Guided.Africa, at Book Circle Capital, 27 Boxes, Melville, Johannesburg or on Amazon.com and Kindle for international buyers.
Where do you see your future self?
I'm curious to see where this book takes me. I'll continue my work as a coach, isangoma and cultural consultant. — Interview by Andrea Nagel
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