The Pentagon is set to unveil its findings on 'UFOs' — and we can't wait

The fact that the US Air Force has been noting, documenting and chasing down unidentified aerial phenomena (UAPs), not to be confused with unidentified flying objects (UFOs) on the daily, comes as no surprise. At this point I will believe anything. What with the current season of Ripley's Believe it or Not that we've borne unwilling witness to.

"The strange, the bizarre, the unexpected", the entirely convincing episodes of so-called reality have beggared belief, and yet! Mysterious plagues manufactured in labs; rogue nuclear states; reality television star resplendent with coif, characteristic crimson tie and B-grade model spouse occupying the White House and setting his Visigoths on the Capitol.

All this and more make reports of plain old UFOs (apologies, UAPs) darting in and out of US airspace like disturbingly small frisbees tossed across the time-space continuum absolutely 100% credible.

Which is probably why the CIA released, from its records in January, all 2,700 impenetrable pages related to such sightings. They must think the public is finally ready for it. They calculated that this old shtick would land with a whimper, given the general state of slack-jawed disbelief the world finds itself in.

The only people who might feel vindicated have been inhabiting the outer reaches of the lunatic fringe for so long that everyone forgot they existed. In fact they've been living quietly in the land of the tumtum trees ever since the CIA started its disinformation campaign against them (this part is absolutely true).

For decades, the much-mocked UFO enthusiasts have been holed up somewhere in a socially isolated desert with a telescope and a tinfoil hat counting bleeps and reporting bitterly on their SubReddit. They were treated by society at large with knowing disdain and snickering — nobody caring that they were amassing proofs (so many proofs) of the life force in a universe far, far away and the fact that the life force was making itself known through ancient glyphs and Erich Anton Paul von Däniken. Chariots of the Gods - The Return, coming to the History channel.

I think Marco Rubio, another entirely believable US senator, the quintessential Florida man, is well within his rights to call for the Pentagon to come clean. After all, he runs something called the intelligence committee of the US senate.

The Pentagon is scheduled to report everything it knows later this month to congress. Can't wait! I'm sure it will be much more entertaining than Cumming's coming clean in the UK parliament last week. Still, one has to ask, if they've been covering up the UFOs since 1947, what else are they covering up? Perhaps Trump really is an evil genius and his bunker under Mar-a-Lago is totally prepped for the imminent alien invasion. Which would be ironic.

Obama, for one, has confirmed that reports of the UAPs are not exaggerated. At least one person is laughing all the way to the bank. A British bloke called Ray Santilli, who bought a 17-minute 16mm film from a "retired US army cameraman". The 1947 Alien Autopsy film, which reputedly shows the aftermath of the UFO crash at Roswell, New Mexico, with a humanoid figure on an operating table, is being sold as a non-fungible token that has apparently now been "authenticated" by the CIA document dump mentioned earlier.

It's going on auction for $1m (R13.5m), or 450 ethereums. Which kind of makes perfect sense, given the amount of hot air in this story.