By now, in the third wave of the pandemic, you definitely should have seen the holy quintuple of lockdown must-watches — Tiger King, My Octopus Teacher, My Kreepy Teacher, The Queen's Gambit and Bridgerton.
From Joe Exotic's crimes and misdemeanours (and polyamory and corny country music videos and dangling eyebrow piercing #NeverForget) to a Regency era Gossip Girl-style period piece, the dotcom-sphere did not disappoint on the easing of quarantine-fatigue front.
But prior to Netflix, YouTube and Uncle Cyril addressing the nation, one had to physically leave one's couch/house to watch a movie. Yes, IRL trips to the cinemas. Matinées, midnight screenings, overpriced popcorn and Coke!
As these aren't exactly viable prospects at the moment, we suggest you stay sane inside insanity by watching the following cult flicks, which offer you the opportunity to imitate your favourite stoner, demonic lagomorph, or drag queen Divine — without leaving your couch/house! And you can play "guess the character" with whoever you're holing up with.
Let the bingeing-while-dressing-up begin:
THE BIG LEBOWSKI
Do you agree that "yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man" is the comeback to end all comebacks? Is tenpin bowling your favoured avocation? Have you joined the Church of the Latter-Day Dude? Do you take surreptitious sips from milk cartons in Pick n Pay's dairy aisle? Are you partial to a White Russian or three?
If you answered "yes" to any the above, odds are that you've been introduced to the Coen brothers' 1998 cult classic The Big Lebowski and its slacker protagonist, Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski.
Of all the sartorial suggestions, The Dude's signature attire resembles your likely preferred quarantine-couture on Zoom-free days (let's be honest).
The Dude:
- Dressing gown.
- Any T-shirt (preferably one you've slept in the previous night).
- Shorts/pyjama bottoms (both to be worn during daylight).
- Plakkies.
- A sweater as frayed as it is voluminous.
- 1957 Vuarnet sunglasses.
- A zol in one hand, White Russian in the other.
PS: are you watching this while lounging on a rug that really ties the room together? F**king A — you're most definitely abiding.
THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW
Ah, yes. The 1975 musical comedy horror film that blessed us with the Time Warp, Meatloaf nailing a sax-solo (before meeting his grisly demise in a meat locker), and Tim Curry's sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania, Frank-N-Furter.
If you spent the majority of lockdown idling in your intimates, the undergarments of normcore Brad Majors, wide-eyed Janet Weiss, and the scantily clad eponymous Rocky will easily be replicated.
Brad:
- Tighty-whities.
Optional:
- Tortoiseshell glasses.
- Socks 'n loafers.
- Initial apprehension about cross-dressing.
Janet:
- White bra.
- White panties.
- Demure underskirt (to lose during the Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me scene, obvs).
Optional:
- Virginity loss.
Rocky:
- Gold lamé Speedo.
Optional:
- Adonis-esque abs.
- Blond hair and a tan.
- Thinking that dynamic tension must be hard work.
DONNIE DARKO
Doomsday-hallucinations. Gary Jules's cover of Mad World. A hellish rabbit who goes by "Frank". Strange days have found us, so why not spend 113 minutes revisiting the strangeness that is Donnie Darko?
Pre-Brokeback Mountain, Jake Gyllenhaal's performance of the titular character suffering from far more than angsty teen-Weltschmerz is regarded by many as his breakthrough role. Gyllenhaal's arresting acting aside, Donnie Darko features textbook small-town America, somnambulation, sexual fantasies about Christina Applegate, and (shudder) a motivational speaker.
If you still fit into your school uniform, you're one lucky bastard, for Donnie spends the majority of the flick in his high school regalia. Or just sneak into your kids' wardrobe (they're mos expected back at school in the next decade).
Donnie:
- White long-sleeved shirt.
- School trousers.
- Zip-up hoodies and/or plain T-shirts in an array of neutral colours (grey/navy/ black/white/the antithesis of anything that proclaims "Notice me! Notice me! Follow me on InstaG!"
Frank:
- Bunny outfit (think less Mean Girls' Regina George's Halloween costume and more Watership Down's General Woundwort).
PINK FLAMINGOS
What do you get when you combine drag queen Divine, a tagline reading "An exercise in poor taste", coprophagia and a severed pig's head as a birthday present? Cult favourite, Pink Flamingos, that's what.
Directed by "godfather of filth" John Waters, this 1972 exploitation comedy features criminal Divine (who goes by Babs Johnson), living in a trailer park on the outskirts of Phoenix, Maryland, with her egg-obsessed mother, reprobate son, and travelling companion Cotton. She proudly carries the moniker of "filthiest person alive".
The husband-and-wife duo of rival crooks Raymond and Connie Marble object to Divine being the holder of this esteemed title and a quest to out-filth Divine ensues. Waters presents the viewer with a smorgasbord of eccentric characters, though none rival that of Divine's delightfully trashy habiliment.
Divine/Babs Johnson:
- Everyday aesthetic: violent yellow wig, scarlet lipstick, arched eyebrows, and OTT eye shadow that would put The Little Mermaid's octopus antagonist Ursula to shame. (Fun factoid: Ursula's appearance was based on Divine's drag attire.)
- Dinner prep apparel: leopard-print bra and black trousers.
- Casual trip to the dorp: a figure-hugging Marilyn Monroe-meets-MCQP wiggle dress, paired with a fox stole (faux, though - I beg of thee).
- Birthday party scene: a resplendent red tulle cocktail dress. Complement it with a pair of chandelier earrings and you'll be pulling off a killer look, no pun intended.
- A flair for vulgarity, licentiousness, debauchery, and delicious depravity.
Oh, and if you happen to be a contortionist with a prolapsed anus, no costume is
required. (Hey, when the godfather of filth promises an exercise in poor taste, he sure
as hell delivers one. Yum.)
