We all have issues. You’re not special. A whole bunch of those issues arose out of our past, but others are coming at us, every day, in the present, and it won’t surprise you to know that there are a lot more out there, waiting for us. In Afrikaans this is called your “las”.
Having issues is not the issue. Living with them is. How we deal with them is. How we better prepare ourselves for those still ahead is, especially repeats! How we contain or eliminate (yeah, right) issues that endure. Only the most painful issues survive, because we keep refreshing them. We may need some help, from a person, or an event, a catalyst, a discovered cause, or even an epiphany, to get to solve these things, but it’s ultimately up to us, individually.
You’ll only know you’ve got there when you’re alone, and the danger comes, and you cope.
Maybe it’s not acute, maybe your life has become too dreary, too heavy, when every day is a drudge to be worked through. Drudges never leave of their own accord — they have to be chased out. Sometimes that requires force (of will, at least). Don’t give up.
The purpose, the goal, the reward, is peace. Nothing is more valuable than personal, enduring peace. It has no price in any other life currency. Peace is elusive and, some might say, fickle — your work is never done. Anxiety, on the other hand, doesn’t require an invitation to return. Like an incurable virus, it always comes back, after lurking just below the surface, waiting for the first sign of weakness in your immune system to attack.
And so it is that life is a tug-of-war between peace and anxiety. I’m exaggerating, and being a little dramatic, but it is a bit like that, and to quote a line from Shakespeare's Friar Laurence speech, in which he talks of the co-existence of poison and medicine within the same flower, and likewise such characteristics are found in humans (grace and rude will), he says: “Where the worser is predominant, full soon the canker death eats up that plant.” Anxiety will kill you, if you allow it to prevail.
Peace is elusive and, some might say, fickle — your work is never done. Anxiety, on the other hand, doesn’t require an invitation to return
We have a choice. It is however a choice that must be taken willingly and exercised with determination. Most things worth doing aren’t easy. When you reflect on your life though, it won’t be the easy things that you recount, or repeat at story time.
I think that, almost without exception, we know what the right thing to do is, but we often take an easier route. It is this flaw that leads to regret. We also just make mistakes, in business, in life, in love, in the moment. Our past is, after all, the sum of moments and choices. Just try and get it right more often than not.
Okay, but we’re here, in the present, with our stuff. Start with truth. Start with yourself. Find the root causes. Don’t look to blame, look to cure.
The most difficult issues to resolve are people. People from our past. Relationships that didn’t work out. Open books that should’ve been closed, final chapters that may yet have to be written, or that never will be. Equations that didn’t balance. Unequal interactions, unfulfilled anticipations, or simply errors of judgment with forever living consequences. Horrible, hurtful stuff that just won’t go away. There are really only two ways to deal with this — engagement or exorcism. The former is by far the preferable. Take the first step towards the middle, and if there isn’t a middle, make one. It’ll require effort and often extreme goodwill, but it’ll be worth the long peace that could follow.
Sometimes irreconcilable differences are just that, or sometimes feelings are so lopsided that equilibrium will be forever elusive. At some point you may have to sever ties, leave the pain to whither and die, and never look back, never ever. It’s painful to cut off a limb but if its gangrenous, removing it will save your life — a simple choice in the circumstances.
When it comes to lesser issues, about things, about wants (not needs), when it’s about coulda, woulda, shoulda stuff, or looks, or cars, or money or skinny jeans, you just need to get over it, okay?
Finally though, it's your choice — either early onset, perpetual grumpiness (which feasts on itself), or life-lite.
When you’ve got all of this stuff sorted (yeah, right), spend some time alone, every day, and sometimes for a few days. You won’t get lonely, unless you’re bad company.
The end objective here is not a life of continuous self scrutiny and judgment — you can get stuck in that death spiral before you know it, and escape velocity is ever more difficult to achieve.
No, the endgame is to lighten up. Surf over the sharp coral under the sea of life. Look up occasionally. The sky is mostly blue, particularly in our country of natural beauty.
See the upside. Fill the glass instead of always emptying it. Just be nice.
