By the time you’re reading this, I’ll wager most of us have forgotten or broken our New Year’s resolutions, made only a week ago.
A year is a pretty arbitrary time interval to serve as a checkpoint for how we live our lives. Why isn’t it, say, 1,000 or 500 days, whatever? In either case we’d then all be celebrating/bemoaning our Ctrl Alt Del points on different days, days which would have more to do with your date of birth than the orbit of Earth. I guess it’s more convenient to all do this together — who wants to drink alone?
At least there’s a scientific foundation. A year is roughly (but close enough) the time it takes for this planet to orbit the sun or, more accurately, get back to the same position it was, relative to the sun, some 365,25 days ago. Who cares?
It is useful, I suppose, to occasionally take stock, check bearings and adjust influences. But what should the rules be about making these rules we call resolutions, these decisions, these commitments to do this or not do that? I don’t think there should be rules. Most grown-ups don’t. They’re a waste of time (seldom actually achieving anything) and increase the anxiety quotient we have to live with in our everyday lives.
Society already sets myriad measurements that we have to take, almost continuously, to see “how we’re doing”. For the most part, these benchmarks, these accepted norms of coexistence, are not the product of scientific research and endeavour, but the common denominator of fickle public opinion, the views of the mediocre middle, at best the aggregate of unexceptional minds.
In any case, we have enough challenges. Strangely though, our real obstacles don’t come from outside opinion. While how we should look, what we should wear, or eat (or think!) comes from glossy magazines or social media, the real challenge comes from how we deal with that information once we internalise it, grind it up and let it brew in that most powerful of pressure cookers, the human brain (instead of occasionally just spitting it out).
You have to be an all-rounder to manage life’s journey, to cope with expected difficulties and surprise opportunities
Most people need only the smallest indication of a fault or affliction to make a proper mess of their self-worth. We love doubt and self-criticism and the angst it brings. Some of us just aren’t happy until we’re unhappy, and we love to share our despair.
Given all of this is present, do you really want to set yourself up more opportunities to fail? Do you really want another set of exams to write (particularly if you’re marking them yourself)? We never set easy hurdles of achievement on resolution day. Why would we?
Start with an impossible dream and make it a pass/fail event, why don’t you? Something you’ve never been able to achieve or change for the past 20, 30, 50, whatever years, this year, just you watch me, I’m going to get it right. Scorecards make for winners and losers. Be careful.
As if failing in modest silence won’t be bad enough, we then take the fatal step of writing resolutions down and, worse still, tell everyone what we’ve resolved not to or to do. Some people even stick these lists up in a prominent place like the kitchen. Idiocy.
You have to be an all-rounder to manage life’s journey, to cope with expected difficulties and surprise opportunities. Stop focusing on KPIs; leave that at the office. Focus on the whole you. Be prepared, not bound! Build on your strengths and manage your weaknesses — we all get a fair mix of both, really we do, but you can’t pick and choose just the nice bits. You’re a bundle. Don’t be fooled by the surface peace and happiness of those who seem to be in control of their lives. Rock stars are among the most insecure people.
Flaws are fabulous! It’s our flaws that define and endear us. It’s the apparent absence of flaws in others that puts us off them. Who can really get on with someone who has perfectly straight teeth? No, finding peace with our own flaws and those of others is the foundation of enduring friendships and a prerequisite for love.
Scrap all your New Year’s resolutions. Now, before it’s too late. Limit the damage and get on with your life. Soon enough you’ll find they’ll be cutting wood in your forest and by then it’ll be too late.
The unique mix that is the individual is what makes us interesting and valuable, even lovable. Don’t seek out obedience or conformity; it’s a crowded place of compromise that you’d do well to avoid as a destination, let alone a way of life.
Above all, chill. Spend more time on your own. Spend more time away from the influences of social media and the madness of crowds. Stop comparing, stop keeping score.
Whenever it’s reasonably possible, take it easy on yourself — as long as you don’t make that a rule!
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