The glow of love is gone as Siya and Rachel call it quits

Springbok rugby captain Siya Kolisi has been candid about his past battles with womanising, pornography and alcohol.

But while he wrote in his 2021 autobiography, Rise, that he had put his destructive behaviour behind him, his reputation in rugby circles as a playboy persists.

Some believe this is the reason for the collapse of his marriage.

"It's been a long time coming," said a source close to the Springboks. "The team is very tight knit and protective of each other, but Siya is a very social guy and over the years there have been many stories about his behaviour.

"Everyone in the inner circle believes that infidelity is the reason for the split.

Women are constantly throwing themselves at your husband, and you start to lose yourself 

—  Amor Vittone, singer

"There are always women throwing themselves at the players and for some, if can be difficult to resist."

Siya and his wife, Rachel, this week announced they were separating after eight years of marriage.

The announcement shook the country. The golden couple were regarded as a true South African love story. He was an underprivileged player from the townships of Gqeberha who rose to captain the Springboks. She was born in the sleepy town of Makhanda and studied event management in Stellenbosch, where she met her future husband in 2012.

But in the couple’s last video of the two of them together, posted on both their Instagram accounts on October 8, they appeared to have lost their glow. They had joined a group of children from the Siphekele iSizwe Empowerment Hub for a powerful Gwijo. However, the pair seemed unusually subdued and listless as they sang and clapped.

The video was posted just days after the couple and their children returned from a week at an exclusive lodge at Thornybush game reserve in Kruger Park.

A video of a game drive showed the couple sitting at opposite ends of the vehicle.

In a gallery of photos of the trip, Rachel said: “Very hard to put this experience into words or pictures — needed this break ... so grateful.”

For Rachel, the marriage came with its challenges. She made the news pages on numerous occasions after losing her cool in social media posts in which she called out other women for throwing themselves at her husband and disrespecting their marriage. 

In 2019, she left social media in an uproar after outing fitness model Marike Botha, whom she claimed had slipped into her husband’s DMs.

“Just wondering what her a** is doing in my husband’s DMs?” Rachel asked.

In the video, Rachel says “my face is so red because I’m so angry, but I just want to finish off this situation saying that the days of women having to take sh*** and deal with sh*** are over”.

A few days after Rachel’s posts went viral, Botha claimed on Instagram she did not reach out to Siya first. She later deleted the post. 

She told Drum magazine that when she got Rachel’s message she told her to “keep her husband on a tighter leash”. She also said she had nothing to feel guilty about, as she had done nothing wrong.

In June 2018, Rachel called out a Twitter user who was crushing on her husband. Rachel reminded the person he was married with four children.

Shortly before this, celebrity chef Lorna Maseko found herself being dragged in after her friend spoke about wanting to date a black man and Siya’s name came up.

“I watched a local TV show last week where a local ‘celeb’ was encouraging her friend to go on a date with Siya Kolisi,” said Rachel.

In another post, she assured tweeps she had seen it all and been with her husband through good and bad, and asked that people respect her and her marriage. 

It is a frustration felt by many women married to international sports stars.

“Women are constantly throwing themselves at your husband, and you start to lose yourself,” singer Amor Vittone, who was married to Springbok scrumhalf Joost van der Westhuizen, told the Sunday Times this week.

“You feel hurt, as women flaunt themselves at your man — publicly and in private. And everything gets splashed in the media.”

She described the challenges of "friends" breaking confidences, constant criticism and nasty comments, depression, stress, burnout and trust issues. There is also the harsh realisation that everything can be taken away from you so quickly. And the biggest challenge of all is parenting and protecting small children throughout the whole ordeal.

“The Beckhams worked it out. I wish Joost and I could have, but I just didn’t have the ability for it, or the nerves of steel. I wish the Kolisis strength and resilience.” 

Sonia Booth, ex-wife of Bafana Bafana centre-back Matthew Booth, said players received constant female attention.

“The uncultured, unpasteurised groupies have zero sense of personal space and zero regard for your feelings and existence. However, the onus lies on the player to address this. Some won’t, because the attention boosts their egos and inflates their heads.”

Retired supermodel Christina Storm, who was in a 12-year relationship with Springbok player and renowned bad boy James Small, said that, even though she had a successful international career before she met him, she became “invisible” once they got involved.

“It was as if I suddenly didn’t exist. We would be out for dinner and women would flaunt themselves at James as if I wasn’t even there. His fans would send him the most disgusting faxes — they were relentless. Of course, the boys love that kind of attention, but for how long can you ignore it?” she asked.

Loui Fish, ex-wife of retired soccer star Mark Fish, expressed her shock at the Kolisis’ split, but said she could understand how something like this could easily happen. 

“Most super athletes come from poor or average backgrounds. Then overnight they hit the big time, and life turns upside down. Nobody prepares you to deal with the fame, the money, the girls, the drinking and the drugs. Boys will be boys, and they drag each other off to strip clubs, and all the groupies follow,” Fish said.

In his memoir Siya describes his deep love for his wife and explains how she fitted into his family and stabilised him. However, he also hints at the difficulties they have experienced along the way. 

Kolisi met Rachel Smith in 2012, at a time when he was in an on-and-off relationship — and she was not particularly interested in him. 

“I was young, still 20, and full of it. I loved rugby, I loved drinking, I loved girls. I wasn’t much of a long-term bet for anyone looking for a relationship,” he wrote. 

He describes how they became friends, and then dated, and how she took a long time to fall in love with him, but that they were good for each other. 

“She brought calmness to my crazy. I was into money and extreme sports. She wasn’t about that ... One of the things I loved about her was that she didn’t need me.” 

Siya admits, “Girls would be all over you as a pro rugby player in a rugby-mad city. But Rachel wasn’t one of them. She couldn’t have cared less.” 

He talks about how he first tasted sushi and Mexican food with the woman who would become his wife, how she taught him to drive a tiny Hyundai Atos, and the flak they took as a mixed-race couple. 

“There were times in our early days when Rachel paid for our dates because I had spent all my money on alcohol. And I was earning good money as a pro player,” he admitted, adding that at one point, when he was playing overseas, “she got fed up with me being a jerk, took our baby and flew home”.

The couple were married in August 2016 in Franschhoek, and after that Kolisi was made Bok captain and Rachel gave birth to their second child. 

It was at that stage, just before the 2019 Rugby World Cup, that Rachel introduced Kolisi to entrepreneur Ben Schoeman, who agreed to “act as my spiritual mentor”. 

In his book, Kolisi is candid about Schoeman’s talks with him. 

“Ben told me, ‘You drink a lot, you fool around with women, you go to clubs and strip clubs. You post on social media about your faith, but you’re lying to yourself and everyone else. I don’t care how famous you are — I want to know you’re living the right way. When you do bad stuff, you’re killing yourself slowly and pushing yourself away from God.’” 

Kolisi admits to his personal battles, including a struggle with porn, relating how grappling with these problems led to him turning his life around.