Even though I’m a staunch tea loyalist (green, and occasionally Earl Grey, thank you), when an invitation arrived promising a caffeine-fuelled night aboard a vintage wood-panelled train, I simply had to RSVP “yes”.
So off I went to Pretoria on Tuesday evening for The Great Coffee Heist, a steamy affair with the aroma of a whodunnit, hosted by a coffee pod brand channelling the golden age of travel. This, though, turned out to be a case of “all aboard” but we’re staying put (more about that later).
Arriving at dusk at Capital Park — the 60-acre property that is home to Rovos Rail, with its Victorian-style station — guests were offered coffee liqueur-flavoured martinis on arrival.
Past an usher dressed as a porter in a peaked cap and brass-buttoned jacket, and onto the porch overlooking the platform, I recognised a blast from the past: actor and former Top Billing presenter Jonathan Boynton-Lee, before newlywed 2023 Miss SA Natasha Joubert (now Vermaak) came up to say hello.
Natasha and fashion darling Sarah Langa both embraced the evening’s purple dress code — the latter in a Grecian-style gown by locally based label Diane Paris, accessorised with her own jewellery. “I wore these to my wedding a few years ago. The wedding didn’t last, but the earrings did,” confessed Sarah, referring to her former marriage to controversial businessman Jehan Mackay.
The doe-eyed brunette also shared that she is now permanently back in South Africa, having completed three years of study at the British Academy of Interior Design, and is set to open her own interior design studio in Kramerville in the next few weeks.
Enter the night’s host, in a dark trench with a wide-brimmed hat not dissimilar to Inspector Clouseau’s, who announces: “Ladies and gentlemen, detectives in training, I am Detective Maps Maponyane, and tonight we will be coming together to solve a very mysterious case that has swept the globe… in which the most sought-after treasure has disappeared…”
Now Maps might be no George Clooney, but he does coax us into groups of five to pick up our magnifying glasses and follow the clues before boarding the train to solve the rest of the riddle and enjoy a dinner feast.
It’s a task I take to with gusto, but when our group — which includes vlogger-slash-PR-guy Thulane Hadebe — discovers that the gleaming locomotive won’t even be leaving the station, I quickly lose steam.
I find solace in the creamy burrata salad, followed by a choice of mains (I opt for the beef fillet medallion with truffled baby marrow purée, oyster mushrooms and baby onions, which hit the spot, although the moussaka Dauphinoise potatoes were a tad overcooked at the edges), but decide to make a quick getaway before dessert is served.
Meanwhile, all tracks on the social express led to Gold Reef City in Joburg’s south, where those with a dry sense of humour were well served at the Savanna Comics’ Choice Comedy Awards last Saturday evening.
On the black carpet outside, Pabi Moloi sparkled like a jazz-age heroine in her silver sequinned gown. “I literally am not fitting into anything in my wardrobe. The teeniest, tiniest things are coming on. I went to the back of the wardrobe to find this,” said the radio presenter, whose dedication to gym workouts has clearly paid off.
Pabi’s younger brother, Khabane Moloi, is a previous nominee in the Newcomer of the Year category, which this year has been renamed the Eb Award, in recognition of Ebenhaezer Dibakwane, who sadly passed away last month.
I enjoyed meeting the diminutive up-and-comer Khanyisile Ngwenya, who took home the trophy this year, and caught up with some familiar faces such as A-Lister Prev Reddy, Moonchild Sanelly (fresh back from London, where her new album drew high praise from musical legend Elton John), and Mpho Popps, who looked like he was channelling Hugh Hefner in his loungey suit (which the night’s co-host Carvin H Goldstone described as “pyjamas”).
Inside the Lyric Theatre was where Carvin and Nina Hastie presided over the handing out of the Waldos (as the trophies are called). The first went to Cape Town’s Khanyisa JamJam for Breakthrough Act of the Year, while top honours went to the incomparable Celeste Ntuli, named Comedian of the Year.
Often the warm-up artists tasked with quietening us down don’t get a shoo-in, but it would be amiss for me not to recognise Mel Jones, who hilariously called this rowdy bunch to order before the official bits started.
The stand-up queen, known for her sassy take on comedy, also pointed out she considerately wore a slinky halter dress to ensure we all got an eyeful of her cleavage no matter where we were seated.
True, you didn’t need to be Clouseau to appreciate the view.
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