HOT LUNCH | ‘Soccer taught me how to win at the game of life’

I have what could generously be described as a glancing acquaintance with the game of football.

What little I know about the sport was gleaned in those halcyon days when we hosted the 2010 World Cup. It was then that I understood there was a champion called Teko Modise, widely acknowledged to be one of the most talented players ever to grace the South African pitch, who was also our captain.

Nevertheless, despite being severely lacking in knowledge about the beautiful game, I was thrilled to recognise the stylish man in a bucket hat and beautifully tailored trousers who met me for lunch at Ukko, the lovely Mediterranean café in Bryanston.

Perhaps you football fanatics have all his stats at your fingertips, listen to him on the hugely popular Sundowns podcast, and follow his work for the Nedbank Cup. But for a layperson like me, what stands out most obviously is that soccer was a lifeline for Teko.

“Football was the only place I felt happy or like a kid, because I was forced to grow up a little too fast. Originally I lived with my dad, but when I was eight or nine he kicked me out. So I had no-one and was a street kid for a while. This experience forced me to be independent and resourceful — I had to find something to eat for myself.

“And then, when professional football came along, it was a place of happiness and survival because once you win a tournament you get your share of the win, and that meant I had money to spend at school. So for me football wasn't just a game — it was all about survival.”

He describes a very unsettled period in his young life.

“Once my mom arrived on the scene, she took me in. But then I had a stepdad who moved us around a lot, and this was a time when it was difficult for me to make friends. I didn’t know for how long I would be in one place. My education was very disrupted because I would stay in one area for two months but then have to move to another one and start all over again in a new school. So it was a very difficult time for me.

When you are confronted with challenges in a football match, you are forced to find solutions, and those experiences help you to grow

—  Teko Modise

The trauma of those years was bound to bubble up to the surface in one way or another.

“I started going to therapy because I was so depressed, and my therapist started asking me about my relationship with my parents. I realised then what was really going on. I saw that there was all this materialistic stuff I was trying to fill the void with. I thought that maybe if I bought a fancy car, or had a bigger house with a swimming pool, I’d be happy. I realised I had all those things, as well as that I was known in South Africa and had received many accolades, but I had no emotional attachment to any of them. And that’s when the depression started kicking in.”

It’s a story everyone can relate to, but one lived on a bigger scale and in the full glare of publicity.

“I was a young boy who had been playing football for survival, and now I was being expected to behave like a role model. But I had never had one of my own, so I didn’t know how to be a good example for other kids. I never had a father to teach me all the things I needed to learn, but the whole country was expecting me to do exactly that for other young people.

“It was a struggle that went on for years. I felt used by everybody, so it was very difficult to trust people. I started really hating being a superstar.”

What is remarkable is that he had the strength of character to get into therapy and move to Cape Town to find himself.

In any event, he is back now, and his love and respect for the game that changed his life are so infectious I may start following the sport a little more closely.

“Honestly, I could have used my background as an excuse for poor behaviour. I could have easily been an addict, and I could have easily died. I had every reason to say nobody loved me and nobody cared. With all the negativity in my head, the only reason I survived is because I had matches to play every Saturday and Sunday. And that really helped me and made me the man I am today.

“When you are confronted with challenges in a football match, you are forced to find solutions, and those experiences help you to grow. You learn you can’t just run away, and you can then apply those skills to your life beyond the football pitch. Football taught me everything I know, so the respect I have for the game is insane.”