If there was a matric dance for pollies on Friday night, Helen Zille would have been crowned belle of the ball in her sparkly gown and equally shiny heels.
But when you’re in the hot seat on a night filled with barbs and laughs, of course the seasoned political tactician was going to rise to the occasion.
“This is the most glittering outfit I have ever worn,” admitted the DA leader, wearing a dress made by “Auntie Dalene Jacobs, which my manager and chief of staff designed”.
We were on the red carpet (well, actually, more a rather thin and not very long runner) at the Sandton Convention Centre for the start of the three-day Laugh Africa comedy festival, which, on the evening, would finish with The Roast of Helen Zille.
If you were wondering what a roast is, it’s an imported American comedy concept in which the guest of honour has to grin and bear it through (hopefully not too heavy) insults — and is then given the chance to return the tongue-lashing.
The DA’s outspoken federal council chair said she was relishing her turn.
“I like new experiences; I’m a big risk taker and it’s something that I’ve never done before, so I thought I should do it before I die,” explained Helen.
While the festival promised an extravaganza of laughs, the balloon burst after its international headliner was forced to pull out (American comedian and actor Faizon Love was the last-minute stand-in).
Things looked glum on an empty red carpet, until thankfully American funnyman Griff lifted the mood — in part thanks to his cheerful shirt, festooned with Disney cartoon characters.
“I’m a giant guy. Maybe I don’t look so threatening when wearing a child’s shirt with a bunch of kids' stuff on it,” explained the comedian — who performs regularly in South Africa — about his get-up.
On the other hand, you wouldn’t want to bump into Trevor Gumbi in a dark alley — the comedy vet showed up in a makeshift straitjacket fashioned from a bedsheet and wearing a Hannibal Lecter-style mask.
“It’s laundry day, so I had to wear what was left over,” explained Trevor, who — along with Tumi Morake — was charged with handling roast master duties for Helen’s grilling.
A surprise panellist was Patricia de Lille, whose relationship with Helen has been checkered.
“I’m going to tell Helen that we’ve come a long way and I respect her. I am just sad that I am moving forward while she’s moving backwards. Ha ha,” said the Good leader and tourism minister.
A change of pace: The other do I went to this week was a get-together by the local offshoot of a private club — whose members are reported to include the Beckhams, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Tom Holland and Dua Lipa — said to be so exclusive that one of its houses turned down Kim Kardashian “multiple times”.
Soho House is a global network of spaces touted as homes where creatives and celebrities can meet, relax and unwind with utmost discretion (you are not allowed to take photos or record videos inside the houses, and must take calls or use a laptop in designated areas).
While South Africa doesn’t boast an actual house, it has opened up membership to selected local creatives through its Cities Without Houses community, which holds regular soirées in Cape Town and Joburg.
On Wednesday evening, the A-Listers scored an exclusive invite to one such gathering, held at Akido restaurant in Sandton. Here, 30 local members savoured spicy margherita cocktails, while sampling appetisers including mini boats of spinach, truffle, dry miso and tsuma salad, rock shrimp tempura, bluefin tuna and crispy rice cigars — and a selection of nigiri prepared by celebrated chef Earl Akido.
Arranged by CWH Joburg liaison Zanele Kumalo, guests were a coterie of the city’s most intriguing, including luxury connoisseur Vika Shipalana, interior designers Donald Nxumalo and Maira Koutsoudakis (now working on a six-storey house in Paris’ 16th arrondissement), Maira’s catering queen sister Vicky Crease, and Wanted mag’s prolific Aspasia Karras (whose weekly Hot Lunch also appears on this page).
Also in the mix were Joburg Film Festival manager Taryn Joffe (who I have been seeing a lot on the social circuit lately); fashion designer Rahim Rawjee of luxurious men's wear brand Raw-G; and one of the country’s most stylish wellness advocates, Didi Mogashoa, who is now completing her masters in mindfulness at Bangor University, which I assumed was based in India but turns out is located in northern Wales.
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