Once upon a time, this dude named Caravaggio used a famous picture to tell the 1,000-word story of Narcissus. It was a fancy name for a fancy fellow. You see, Narcissus was a baddie. Not the kind from cops and robbers stories; the kind you find wearing Rosa Parks-embroidered panties at the Met Gala. A baddie like Anna Nicole Smith or the kind husbands dream about spending their money on once their wives have died.
In fact, Narcissus was such a baddie that, when he caught sight of himself in a pool of water, he was transfixed by his reflection and eventually perished of malnutrition because he forgot to feed himself. This cautionary tale gave us every ex's favourite pejorative, “narcissist”. In fact, these days, there's a narcissist lurking behind every corner and under every bush. They’re everywhere. Your boss is one. Same for your parents. Hell, that former best friend of yours certainly looked, walked and quacked like a narcissistic duck. We’re surrounded! And in 2025, what do we do when surrounded by haters and narcissists? We turn to the shiny screen in our pockets, stare into its depths and beg it to confirm our biases.
We’re all aware that the world of the internet has gone insane and generally we tend to blame it on the tech nerds masquerading as Bond villains. Well, that and their social media. To an extent we're right, but I'd like to add another name to the charge sheet. A defendant who may be a little slipperier to pin down: therapists.
Now, don't get me wrong, therapy as a general concept is wonderful. It's like home renovations for your brain. Every now and then you need a professional to come in, knock down some walls, install an infinity pool and make sure no-one can find your sex dungeon. But, just like home renovations, finding a good service provider is critical.
In the world’s rush to overdose on wellness we’ve developed a fixation with therapy. We’ve built it into this panacea. It's like Borstol for the mind. However, unlike Borstol, therapy has no single trusted formula. There's no single brand name we can trust. No one true path.
According to Psychology Today, narcissism is on the rise among young people. One part of that is obvious. We live in a world where we stare endlessly into screens that have been optimised to affirm and outrage us in equal measure. We’re trapped in feedback loops that will “prove” that the Earth is flat and space isn’t real. Everyone who even looks in Trump’s direction positively is a howling bigot and any kind of queer love on television is part of a conspiracy to make all the kids gay. What’s more, these feedback loops connect you with communities that are also frothing at the mouth at the indignity of it all.
Therapists are also like syphilis, best kept to yourself. Crucially, therapy is not a silver bullet. Kanye West sought help.
But we all know this. The more insidious part is the therapists. Not the good ones. Not the ones with reputable degrees and extensive experience. No, I mean ones who would fulfil the role of Ty Pennington on Extreme Homemake Makeover. You see, Pennington was a lovely man, a well-meaning chap who just wanted to help people. So he'd find deserving, often poor families and build them fantastical dream homes. Cameras would flash, children would be ecstatic and he'd drive away believing he'd done some good. Except a few months later the family he'd helped would be crushed beneath the financial weight of having to maintain their new six-shark aquarium. A similar thing is true for therapists, especially when it comes to narcissism and accountability.
If you want to save yourself from yourself, research is your best friend. Therapy is a lot like dating, in that oftentimes the person your friend hooks you up with is not the one, but they could help. Get recommendations, try out different fits and DO NOT go to the same one as your partner or close friends. Therapists are also like syphilis, best kept to yourself. Crucially, therapy is not a silver bullet. Kanye West sought help. Sitting on a couch once a week won't solve your problems; it may help, but it won't solve them. Taking some of the fancy words you hear from your mental health mechanic and then running out into the world diagnosing people is a poor idea. Despite what you may come to think, Narcissus’s ailment is rare. Only about 1%-6% of people have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Your parents may have helped form your issues, but they're not the spring that all your problems gush forth from. As fun as it is to set your own boundaries, you will also have to accept accountability for violating the boundaries of others. It's very likely that you have been and will continue to be a piece of shit to someone at some time.
Finding the wrong therapist, as well meaning as they can appear, seems to have led a lot of us to Narcissus's pool. And we get stuck there obsessing about how badly we’ve been treated and how beautiful we could look, if only others would take the time to see the face we do. As a result, we’re wasting away. The face being reflected back at us by our screens and our therapists is mesmerising but it also keeps us away from the big, wide sexy world beyond. So step away from the mirror, there’s fun to be had outside.
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