Live out your 'deserted island' fantasies on Mozambique's Medjumbe

"Romeo Killer Golf is ready for lift," he says and flicks a switch.

The voice funnels in through my headphones, far-away and tinny, although I'm so close to the pilot I could reach out and pinch a hair from his leg.

I am, after all, riding shotgun in the helicopter and he is wearing shorts and flip-flops because - well, our destination is that sort of place.

More switches flicked, a joystick eased, and we are up, up and away. The ramshackle roadways of Pemba recede and we pitch forward to play Pac-Man, gobbling up candyfloss clouds.

Below us, the Quirimbas Islands off northern Mozambique, 32 all told, drift by.

Stefan Smuts, he of the hairy legs, points some out as we go: that's Quilalea, that's Ibo, those are the mangrove swamps, that's Matemo ... and then Medjumbe shimmers into view.

From the air, it doesn't look like much. A mere 1km long and 500m wide, it is a sandbank upon which you might hope to wash if you ever found yourself lost at sea.

The helicopter wobbles down and Stefan flips his switches to "Noises off". We passengers flip our switches to "OMG".

"Welcome to heaven's gate," he says.

And the slowing beat of the helicopter blades gradually gives way to birdsong.

'NATURALLY EXCLUSIVE'

Anantara Medjumbe Island Resort has 12 villas built along the surf in both directions from the "big house". Every one has a direct line to the sea - admittedly, this is not hard to achieve on an island that's two-thirds beach.

In fact, there really isn't anywhere you can turn that you won't see water. From your king-size bed and your bath, your private plunge pool and your lounger on your private deck, there it is, your steadfast friend, that impossible blue.

Whether you're in the bar or in bed, you'll have a sea view. (Elizabeth Sleith)

You can't escape it in the big house either. Not at the bar, or in the airy dining area or the loft lounge stocked with '80s board games and old books. The pale palette of everything serves only to punctuate - with an exclamation mark or perhaps a gentle ellipsis - your castaway state.

Dashes of brightness in the woven wall art, the cushions and the upside-down basket lampshades remind you you're in Africa. As does the refreshingly informal air - no "must wear shoes in the dining room" rules for Medjumbe's guests.

Don't expect the bells and whistles of luxury city hotels either. You may well find ants on your plate of welcome cookies. The bar staff may take a puzzlingly long time to pour your drink. Who cares when the ants are in that room, when the bar is that bar?

What you're buying here is not a concierge or a sommelier. The resort folk call it "naturally exclusive". It's life's last luxuries: solitude, breathing space, time with those you love, and the pinch-me-quick loveliness of this far-flung place.

If you don't feel sufficiently marooned, you can retreat even further into yourself on Quissanga, a brief speedboat hurtle away.

CRUSOE'S KINGDOM

At roughly 200m², Quissanga is an even tinier drop in the ocean, and surrounded by coral reefs. Before we make landfall, we pause to snorkel - just a leap from the boat.

Spotted from above, we could be corpses, floating face down, arms limp at our sides, strange protrusions rising from our heads. Did we die by arrows?

Down below, the truth is a coral kingdom, where earthly gardens turn topsy-turvy. Ferns are pink, huge conch shells pulse with razor-sharp teeth, fleshy fingers of green waft in the currents, with tiny, gelatinous mouths. Curiouser and curiouser, as a wise woman once said.

The 200m² island of Quissanga, neighbouring Medjumbe, boasts the shelter of Robinson Crusoe's dreams - with a bar and a four-poster bed. (Anantara Medjumbe Island Resort)

Quissanga's only structure is an enormous, thatched gazebo - if Crusoe had had a wish come true (and honestly, who would wish for rescue?), this would have been his beach house, with its lounge areas - yes, more than one - and a bamboo bar and, the pièce de résistance, a bed.

But not just any bed. A four-poster made of carved, dark wood, draped in netting (both romantic and practical). This, they call the Star Bed, and couples willing to pay for the privilege can be dropped here at sunset and fetched only the next day.

Those less brave can lunch here alone in the sunshine, as we do, in a small clearing under the shade of palm trees.

Later that evening, over another fine seafood dinner on Medjumbe, manager Charles Tandane tackles a question about the island's name.

It means "messenger" in Swahili, he says.

Supposedly, it harks back to the days of the slave trade, when stolen people would leave messages for their loved ones here.

His tale is vague and I can't later find any corroboration, but I like the idea anyway, that this flick of sand somehow tied people who loved each other together.

I can certainly see how it still does that now.

WHAT TO DO ON A 'DESERTED' ISLAND

If you're a twitchy sort, fear not. There's lots to do on Medjumbe besides hang out in a hammock:

Watersports include snorkelling, fishing, waterskiing, kayaking, and stand-up paddle boarding.
Walk to the 1930s-built lighthouse.
Go to the spa. Because what's an island getaway without a massage?
Do a sunset cruise on a dhow.
Whale-watching trips are available from mid-July to mid-October.
Bird-watching.
Dive in the Quirimbas National Park.

THE DOG WHO LOVED MEDJUMBE

When the Medjumbe resort was established in the early 2000s, there was nothing there save a few old fishing huts and a dog, a ridgeback.

The dog was fit and healthy and, so the story goes, was pulling fish out of the sea as a bear would out of a river.

Not wanting a dog on the island, the developers took it to another little island, much like Medjumbe, but some four or five kilometres away, where they thought it could carry on fending for itself. It escaped, and swam back to Medjumbe.

Today, it is said to be living somewhere on the mainland with another dog for company. But what I like about the tale is not only that it thought to brave the swim, but that it did.

And after spending some time on the island, I think I know why. — Stephen Haw

PLAN YOUR TRIP

SPECIAL OFFER

Anantara Medjumbe Island Resort has a special of R9,931 per villa per night for two people sharing (a 20% saving on accommodation), valid until December 22 2017.

The package includes: