Feeling fancy on the Blue Train

We were welcomed aboard the Blue Train in Pretoria with the sexy tag line, "the luxury of slow", and the assurance that these same carriages had hosted kings and queens.

That was all well and good, but the real question was: was this icon of local grandeur ready for a pleb like me?

As a travelling sports hack, I am unaccustomed to luxury. My esteemed bosses have always seen fit to ship me off in cattle class to far-away accommodations of similar stature.

Slow and luxurious? Not me. In fact, I did fast and messy on the starter of our first meal. The chickpea and avocado salad on mixed rocket greens had been placed before me just a minute earlier when I spilt one sauce-laden legume onto the pristine, white table cloth.

Ka-boom! David had arrived.

The weekend trip on SA's iconic train was the grand prize in a competition for Vodacom Red subscribers, 10 of whom won a journey to the Vodacom Durban July, and back.

The spoiling started at home, where we were picked up in luxury sedans and ferried to the impressive Herbert Baker-designed Pretoria station, home of the Blue Train.

This was nothing like an airport, where rushing is the order of the day between the tedious queues at check-in, security and boarding.

We were ushered into a lounge, where we enjoyed fancy snacks, sparkling wine and the soothing tones of a saxophone until the call to board.

There was no schlepping with bags, which were taken to our compartments by staff, who include butlers.

The butlers lay out the fold-up beds every evening and pack them away in the morning.

Our butler's name was also David. So when Better Half commanded "David, do this,", "David, do that," I obeyed. I don't think our butler had ever had such an easy ride.

Seriously though, we didn't really know what to do with our butler, apart from having him make our bed appear and disappear, mainly because we had no idea how to do that ourselves.

Kings and queens are probably better equipped for such personnel.

The corridors along the carriages are adorned with stunning smooth, wooden panelling which, I discovered, was useful for walking while the train is moving and bouncing and twisting and turning and generally trying to buck you off your feet.

You just lean lightly onto the wooden wall and slide easily along the corridor.

The Blue Train dates back to 1946 and the cars are even more luxurious than they were back then. A new set of coaches entered service in 1972 and was revamped in 1992. Apparently there are plans to get new cars in the not-too-distant future (I hope I didn't necessitate this).

For entertainment they had free blackjack and roulette tables, as well as a saxophonist in the one lounge.

And for those with a health bent who like to count their steps, walking a few times from the observation car at the back of the train to the smoker's lounge near the front will get one close to the daily target 10,000.

THE TRAIN: The name "Blue Train" began as a nickname for the luxury train between Pretoria and Cape Town reintroduced after World War 2. AGE: 73.

WEIGHT: 825 tons, excluding the locos.

LENGTH OF RUN: 726.4km, Pretoria to Durban. Its usual route is between Pretoria and Cape Town (1,600km).

THE HORSE: Do It Again

AGE: 5.

WEIGHT: The average weight of a mature thoroughbred is 570kg.

LENGTH OF RUN: 11 furlongs (2,200m).

—  A TALE OF TWO THOROUGHBREDS

But the real enjoyment comes from the relaxation. Read a good book or simply watch the scenery.

We chugged into Durban early on the Saturday afternoon, a little later than planned after losing time because of an unscheduled stop.

There were a few delays in both directions, but they're not a problem if you've succumbed to the luxury of slow.

And then there were the races. We were shuttled to Greyville, where we spent the afternoon and, for the party animals among us, the evening in the Vodacom Red VIP Paddock overlooking the finish.

Drinks, food and live music flowed continuously - but not for yours truly. I had to cover the Durban July from the media centre which, I can state without fear of contradiction, wasn't quite as luxurious as my surroundings for the previous 28 hours or so.

We were allowed into the parade ring, where owners sipped and slurped on champagne while admiring their steeds before each race.

There was much consternation when the favourite Hawwaam was scratched just before the start of the final race due to injuries.

You could hear a collective groan around the track. But Do It Again, the defending champion, did it again. I filed my story and, once again, I departed the rat race, trading reality for regality.

That night was spent on the train in Durban station. It may not sound enticing, but in the compartment it is easy to be oblivious to the surroundings.

If there's one criticism of the train, it's that we didn't get to see more of the countryside.

Obviously there's a pragmatism about travelling during the night, and as it was we were treated to a misty Midlands morning on the way down and an impressive Mpumalanga sunrise on the way back.

But it did seem a pity to miss out on the Drakensberg.

Obviously, this changes depending on the route one takes. The Blue Train to Durban is a charter, but its usual route is on the 32-hour journey on its "own" track between Pretoria and Cape Town.

We did have one other small criticism. The fancy hot and cold signs on the bath taps were the wrong way around, so we ran a cold bath on our first morning.

I discovered this mix-up from the plaintive shriek emitted by Better Half after she unsuspectingly stepped into her personal Arctic pond.

But once that was corrected, I had a wonderful bath, where the water splashed around with the movement of the train, almost like your own tidal pool.

My favourite part of the experience was the five-course meals. The food was scrumptious, from the soups right through to the desserts.

They also served high tea on our first afternoon, but quite frankly, you want to keep your appetite for the meals - every bite is a dream.

Even the mini-steaks at breakfast were tender, succulent and downright tasty.

If the Blue Train was a stand-still restaurant, you'd go there just for the food.

Believe it or not, I managed to get more of it into my mouth than onto the table cloth.

In fact, with a bit more practice, I could get used to this life of luxury.

• David Isaacson was a guest of the Vodacom Red Blue Train Experience to the Durban July.