Supine on a beach lounger, I have an open book over my eyes to block out the sun and a hissing in my ears that has me sure: it was the sea that whispered the name to the first settlers: Ssssaaaaaay ... it rushes up over the sand. Shhhhhells. It recedes. Say shells. Seychelles.
Even though this rhythmic sibilance is perfect for an archipelago synonymous with all the best esses — sun, sea, sand, sleepy — I later learn the name was a happy accident and that the islands were named after — snooze! — a politician, Jean Moreau de Séchelles (1690-1761), Louis XV's minister of finance.
It’s strange to think, considering their riches — the deep tangles of trees, the cerulean seas — that the 115 islands of the Seychelles remained untouched by human toes for thousands of years. With no indigenous population, they were supposedly first spotted by Arab traders in the seventh century, who simply sailed on by. As did Vasco da Gama, with eyes only for India, in 1502, though he did sketch some of its now-famous giant granite boulders on a map. The British landed in 1609, but did not linger, and it was more than another century before the French lay a “Stone of Possession” on the main island, Mahé, in 1756.
In the 150 years before, it was a port of pirates who had a spell of looting trading ships in the Indian Ocean and hiding the spoils here.
A favourite legend is of French pirate Olivier “The Buzzard” Levasseur, who buried a substantial booty somewhere. To this day it remains unfound, though he left a cryptic map behind when he was hanged for piracy in 1730. People are still looking, apparently.
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ψ MARKS THE SPOT
Who knows if the treasure will ever be uncovered, or even exists, but I can confirm another sort of gold — holiday gold — hiding in plain sight. On a map, it would be marked with a trident symbol, Club Med's official logo, over the island of Sainte Anne.
Just 4km off the coast of Mahé, the 2.27km² Sainte Anne is a private playground for guests of the French-born resort giant and part of its top-end Exclusive Collection. So it’s a sophisticated sort of mariner you’ll finding sailing across from the mainland these days, suitcases stuffed with resort wear, swimming costumes and casually chic night-time attire to suit the themed evenings and parties that are part of the Club Med tradition.
On an orientation walk around the island on day one, our guide reveals that it was the very first to be settled by the French. In 1770, a group of about 30 arrived to set up camp here, only one of whom was a woman.
There is a pause for us to contemplate what that might have been like: one woman among 30 settlers in a tropical jungle whose waters crawled with crocodiles. Surely bleak. Mercifully, the pioneers did their jobs well. Today the island is a postcard, manicured and prepped for co-ed arrivals, with an impressive variety of conveniences and merrymaking pursuits.
We pick these off on our morning’s walk, from the creative kiddies’ club to the family pool with its water slides and bean bags. There is a sports area with padel, tennis and basketball courts, as well as an archery range and gym. There is yoga, a spa, beach volleyball and water aerobics. There are four beaches, two restaurants and three bars.
At the watersports kiosk, we high five and “Howzit!” a fellow South African, one of several enthusiastic young guides who take guests sailing, kayaking, snorkelling — or simply borrow the gear and go it alone.
The crocs, incidentally, are long gone and the baby blacktip reef sharks you can watch from a wooden walkway over the water are harmless and happy (do-do-do-do-do). In fact, the island is inside a 14.43km² national park, the first of its kind to protect the wildlife in these parts since 1973.
In real terms, that means no fishermen or water-skiers to disturb the peace and lots of contented sea creatures chilling just below the surface. An afternoon snorkelling excursion straight from the beach proves the sea life here is as serene as the humans in the Zen Oasis, a heavenly adults-only area with a “silence please” swimming pool, bar and restaurant.
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As for the accommodation, there is a range of rooms and villas to choose from, divided into neighbourhoods. The smallest, in snazzy apartment-style blocks with balconies, sleep two, but interconnected rooms are an option for groups and families. The largest is the Robinson Villa, secluded high on a hill with several bedrooms and bathrooms, a private pool and a butler.
Though well spread out, all the residential areas and public places are connected with winding roads, plied at all hours by a fleet of chauffeured buggies. These are slow going and easy to hail, so you never have to walk much if you don’t want to. If you are a walker, the island’s middle is your mountain, with a highest point measuring at 246m. “Botanical walk” signposts point out the paths that lead up to a lush and leafy wild heart.
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DANGEROUS CURVES
With all that it’s got going on, it’s tempting to just drop anchor here and tackle only the daily dilemmas of the all-inclusive resort. Beer or rum? Beach or pool? Hammock or hiking? Spa or nap?
But there is also a sea of adventure out there for curious hearts and a wealth of excursions for the taking. A visit to the capital Victoria would surely be fascinating, but we do a different one: a “Paradise Islands” day trip, with an early boat to Mahé and then a thrilling, tiny Twin Otter plane to Praslin to visit the Vallée de Mai Nature Reserve.
This is a 19.5ha natural palm forest and a world heritage site, “largely unchanged since prehistoric times”, says Unesco. It is a near-holy experience wandering its hushed walkways in dappled sunlight under a canopy of giant palms. Six species are endemic, but the first prize is the Seychelles' most-legendary “booty” of all: the coco de mer (sea coconut).
These trees, separate males and females, can grow up to 34m tall, with leaves up to 6m wide and 9m long. Officially, the female produces the world’s biggest seed, which can weigh up to 18kg, but whose true enchantment is its buxom shape. Though its official name now is Lodoicea maldivica, an early botanical name was Lodoicea callipyge, callipyge being Greek for “beautiful buttocks”. Its double-nut formation makes for some delicious, dangerous curves that no doubt lend to the local legend that these were the forbidden fruit with which Eve tempted Adam. It's not for nothing they call this the Paradise tour.
Soon we are on another quick ferry to the 10km2 island of La Digue. Life is so laidback here that bicycles outnumber cars. In a constellation of castaway-wishes-come-true, La Digue is a superstar, whose most famous beach was an actual backdrop in the Tom Hanks blockbuster Castaway.
But first the Old Pier Cafe, where a Jolly Roger on the sign foreshadows a hearty Creole lunch of seafood and Seybrew, followed by a stroll past giant tortoises — I swear even they are smiling — to the famous beach. The name Source d’Argent officially translates as Silver Spring, but “argent” in French also means money. It's easy to see why it frequently features on lists of the world’s best beaches, with sand this pure and water so clear that you can see fish weaving through it from the shore, the whole scene bedazzled with those peculiar polished boulders.
After a swim with the fishes, our day ends with dancing on the sand to a beach band, three local lads with dreads and drums doing — what else? — Bob Marley: Oh pirates yes they rob I and No woman, no cry.
IT'S FUN TO STAY ...
That little beach party is an amuse-bouche for the bangers that always caps the nights back at Club Med. First, sunset cocktails morph into tricky meals because the bountiful choice in the restaurants will challenge even the most steadfast heart. And then the entertainment team congos out, hands up, with acrobatic shows in the air or the pool. There are champagne pyramids and sparklers. Sparkly dresses and booty shaking, and all the Crazy Signs, which is what they call the choreographed dance moves everyone seems to know.
One night, no doubt several rums in, there is a limbo contest. As the bar gets lower and lower, scoundrels are booted for bending the rules. The contenders dwindle until a winning pair is picked. But who cares what the prize is? We are all in the luckiest of limbos, floating on an island with the lights of Mahé winking across the bay. Perfect purgatory. We are all richer for it.
• Sleith was a guest of Club Med.
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GETAWAY AT A GLANCE
GETTING THERE: Air Seychelles has several flights per week between Johannesburg and Mahé with a flight time of just under five hours. The airport-hotel transfer is about 30 minutes by road and boat.
WHEN TO GO: Any time you like. The Seychelles has a tropical climate with daily temperatures between 24°C and 30°C year round. The ocean stays at around 26°C.
FOR KIDS: There are three kids’ clubs for age groups two to three, four to 10, and 11 to 17, all with their own devoted areas and activities. Babysitting is available.
RATES: From R38,720 per person for seven nights. Includes accommodation, food, drinks, sports and activities, and entertainment. Excludes flights/transfers. Prices are correct at time of publishing and subject to change and availability. Pay a 20% deposit to secure the Club Med booking (and lock in the exchange rate), with final payment only due 45 days before departure. See clubmed.co.za
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