THE BACKSTORY
Orlando Pirates, that soccer club from Soweto whose supporters swear by the skull and crossbones salute, exchanged vows with the Protea Hotel Fire & Ice! Johannesburg Melrose Arch in May.
The union saw the entities unveil two Pirates-themed hotel rooms on the fifth floor in the mink-and-manure, mixed-use development.
With grandma in town, I gave no second thought to accepting an invitation to spend a night at the establishment in the company of my minister of home affairs — the missus to the uninitiated.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
As my wife and I sashayed down the corridor, it felt like strolling past a guard of honour made up of music royalty. Portraits of megastar musicians hang on the walls. Ray Charles on the left; Elvis Presley on the right. It’s reminiscent of the tunnel leading to the pitch at Orlando Stadium, where images of past and present Pirates stars loom large.
Inescapable to the eye is the collaboration of colours — black and white are the hues of choice for the club and hotel, making the establishment a befitting home away from home for Sea Robbers supporters.
WHAT ARE THE GUESTS LIKE?
The ear caught a bit of French as a group of elderly couples popped champagne and clinked glasses to toast what seemed a celebration of sorts.
TELL US ABOUT YOUR ROOM
Entering the room will evoke emotions for a die-hard Buccaneer, who will be forgiven for feeling like they are stepping into a shrine imbued with a museum feel of the club’s history. Conformity with the black-and-white theme continues. Turn on the lights and the room is lit by hanging lamps decorated with beads that assume the shape of the Orlando Towers, a famous symbol of the sprawling township. They add a touch of Soweto.
Adorning the wall above the headboard is a rectangular mural embellished with the “Once Always” slogan and faces of footballers who gave glory to The Ghost, as the team's supporters are affectionately known: Lucky “Phinda Mzala” Lekgwathi; Benedict “Little Napoleon” Vilakazi; Jomo “Troublemaker” Sono; Jerry “Legs of Thunder” Sikhosana; and Tebogo “Mashwabana” Moloi. It’s a wall of legends whose on-field heroics scribbled their names into the annals of the club’s history.
A soccer ball sporting the signatures of Pirates stars and their Spanish coach Jose Riveiro — which was used in the 2022-23 MTN8 final Pirates won in Durban — is an eye-catching centrepiece. So is the orange boot used by Monnapule Saleng to score the solitary goal of that match.
A lazy approach would have been to go for dressing-room ambiance, complete with lockers. But interior designer Latoyah Mei populated the space with items that speak to Pirates' success and the hotel's sophistication. In a first of its kind in the country for a football club to have an accommodation partner, Mei produced an iconic shrine, doing justice to the project of a coming together of extraordinary brands for the common goal of creating a fine fan experience.
Though the room is tiny, it's a cosy cabin for a your-eyes-only couple’s intimate engagement. Ahem.
DETAILS MATTER. DID ANY STANDOUT?
1937, the year Pirates was formed, is scribbled in bold white numbers behind the black door.
The dining area is furnished with understated décor that doesn’t scream opulence, but has a simple yet elegant finish. The set-up is a sophisticated combination of comfortable brown high-back leather couches and dinner tables surrounded by chairs in white and grey shades around glass tables.
DID THE FOOD DO THE TRICK?
Oh yes. Salmon and grilled vegetables tantalised my queen’s tastebuds. And fit for her king, a shisanyama platter filled with lamb and pork chops, chicken thigh, boerewors, chakalaka and pap. Washing it down with a Rupert & Rothschild Classique gave white-monopoly-capital-living feels. Wink, wink.
MOST MEMORABLE
The fireplace in the dining hall is an inviting spot with comfy couches to chill on while shooting the breeze enjoying a spot of tea or whatever tickles the palate. We spent a moment — an hour to be exact — before checking out and returning home to granny and the two unemployed homeowners, our never-stop-chatting daughters. Sigh!
JUST DO IT
The Pirates-themed room is priced from R3,040 per night for two, including breakfast. General room bookings are available on their website, but if you specifically want the Pirates room, you'll need to call to book it on 011-218-4000.
• Kortjaas was a guest of the Protea Hotel Fire & Ice! Johannesburg Melrose Arch
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