Francis Chouler 'once threw a message in a bottle off a gay sailing boat'

I’m an actor from Cape Town. While I started my career on stage, I’ve been doing a lot more film and TV over the past few years, and so I'm thrilled to return to the stage in Spring Awakening. I play nine different characters, each one representing an element of the repressive German society of the day (late 1800s) that the kids in the show rebel against. 

I would totally describe myself as “a traveller”. Travel and acting have similarities actually: both require a sense of curiosity and a willingness to move out of your comfort zone. In both, the best moments often arise out of being prepared to go through some weird and uncomfortable experiences.

Three words that describe my travel personality: inquisitive, food-driven, manic.

Growing up in Cape Town, my childhood holidays were mostly camping on the Garden Route. We would pack the boot of our car and I’d make a bed on top of all the luggage and lie in the back reading Calvin and Hobbes comics, in-between fighting with my siblings on the long road trips. The thing I remember most is the tantrums I’d throw, like when one of my comics slipped out of the car's back window and disintegrated into a shower of pages along the highway. I was inconsolable. I’ve clearly always had a flare for the dramatic!

My first trip abroad was to Germany, as an exchange student when I was 16. I didn’t speak a word of the language when I arrived and had learnt conversational German by the time I left. Also, I had my first kiss in a hayloft.

When I was 20 I sailed across the Atlantic in a 50ft sailboat. Seeing no land for 21 days is quite a wild experience. I remember never feeling quite awake or asleep, like I was in a dream world. We’d take turns keeping watch alone on deck, the night so black you’d see a light on the horizon and think it was finally another vessel, until you realised you were watching the stars rise. One night there was phosphorescence in the water and we tied ropes around our waists and swam. It  was like swimming with the arc of the Milky Way above us. 

I painted a letter describing our trip — the self-proclaimed first transatlantic crossing by an all-gay crew — and sealed it in a wine bottle and threw it overboard half way across the Atlantic. Thirteen years later someone found the bottle in Bermuda and emailed the captain with a photo (see pic). Just shows you, nothing ever gets lost! 

My best place in the world for a night out is Berlin but only if you know some locals. Berliners protect their party scene and tourists will likely get bounced, so befriend some Berliners and you’ll have the best night of your life. Google the dress code before you go. Use dating apps to find out where the locals like to party. 

My favourite international city is Berlin. The theatre, art and fashion is so cutting edge and there is a strong counterculture. On my perfect day there, I would wake up at 2pm; walk along the River Spree; have coffee and a pretzel; visit a museum; then do dinner at whatever pop-up restaurant is on everyone’s hot list; and see whatever’s showing at the Schaubühne [a famous theatre] or the Berliner Ensemble theatre. Next I'd head to a dive bar, then go home to change and at 2am head to whatever party is happening at a location only disclosed to a select few on a WhatsApp group — information procured by using dating apps for advice. Bed at 8am. 

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I travelled solo for a year between school and university working my way around the world on sailboats. It was a seminal experience. I cried for no reason sometimes — home sickness, I imagine — but I also had the best adventures of my life. I plan to do the Camino de Santiago in Spain this year as a personal pilgrimage. I think solo travel is fundamental to connecting to yourself away from everyone else.

If I were to host a tourist in Cape Town, I’d start the day with a kayak off Mouille Point or take the classic Peninsula drive from Cape Town to Hout Bay. I'd take them to Orange Kloof [a protected area above Hout Bay on the south end of Table Mountain]. It is the most exquisite and best-kept secret in Cape Town and one of my favourite places to spend a day. Then I'd take them for sundowners at Cosy Bay and end the night with dinner at Between Us or Ouzeri and a dance at Halo or Modular.

My worst travel experience was when I planned to propose to my husband on a trip to the Maldives. We thought it was an adventurous idea to avoid the expensive resort islands and visit the newly-opened-for-tourists local islands. After all, it’s the same gloriously clear ocean, right? Wrong. After a hellish, three-hour speedboat ride where vomit sloshed around on the floor beneath our feet, we arrived at a grubby island to hosts who had no clue how to take care of international guests. The food was a can of tuna and rice, day in and day out. I proposed on a little atol a boat ride away but we had to pretend to be “brothers” for the rest of the trip as the culture is not queer-friendly. If you're travelling to the Maldives, take a sea plane to your island and don’t spend more than two hours in Malé.

When travelling, I am a sucker for remote beaches. I’ll walk for ages, take the bus to the end of the line, and kayak across a bay to find the perfect private beach. 

I think Bali has the most welcoming locals. The Buddhist culture informs a gentle and heartfelt hospitality. I’ve never felt more relaxed than in Bali. Everything is beautiful in some way. 

I found the locals especially tricky in Sweden. I shot a movie there last year. Northern Europeans are a tough bunch — you can’t even split a bill in a Swedish restaurant. Even in a group of 10, one person must pay. “We don’t do that” is a standard response to any question. You get the sense they don’t need tourists. I went back for the premier of the film last Christmas and the lights in snowy Stockholm are magical enough to warm one to the brusque hospitality. Turns out you just need to stay in very expensive hotels.

I noticed in Holland that the Dutch don’t like you to browse, or “um and ah” about what to order. You must know what you want and buy it/order it without equivocation. I, like many South Africans, muse and debate potential choices and it drives them nuts. They literally just walk away. 

My ultimate bucket-list destination is Patagonia. I want to see those epic natural landscapes. 

My perfect holiday involves delicious food that someone else has made, spontaneously deciding what to do on the day and speaking the local language badly. 

My best holiday ever was my honeymoon in the Greek isles — the food, the sun and the glorious water is about the most romantic environment I think I’ve ever been in. They really know how to enjoy life. Milos and Paros islands are gold.

My most relaxing destination is Bali. The sensuality of the jungle, the delicious food, the fragrant air, the warm water, the gentleness of the people. I don’t think I’ve ever been as relaxed as I was in Bali. 

A memorable restaurant I ate in overseas was Oh Hamos in Adamas, on Milos. They make everything themselves, including the cheese. I can’t begin to explain the flavours.

• Spring Awakening is on at Theatre on the Bay in Cape Town until April 6. It runs at Pieter Toerien’s Theatre at Montecasino from April 12 — May 5. Tickets through webtickets.co.za.