Mom of suicide victim Adam Seef: 'Kids must know they can reach out'

In the moments before Adam Seef, 19, took his life, the gifted medical student wrote letters to his family and friends on his phone, detailing his crippling depression, questioning his sexuality and expressing a deep-seated loathing for being "different".

"The difference between me and my friends [is] insolvable. Deep down they know I'm different and it's about time I accept it too," part of the suicide note reads.

On June 26 the Norwood, Johannesburg, teen - who was in Israel on a two week excursion with Jewish organisation Ohrsom - cut his wrists and later threw himself from a high-rise hotel atrium balcony, plunging to his death in the foyer below.

Grappling with grief, his mom, Jodi Seef, said she did not want her son's death to be in vain.

"I wish it wasn't my son that had to do this, but something must change. Children need to be able to speak about their insecurities and imperfection and to know it's OK to reach out for help.

"Adam would've got the help that he needed but now my son is gone. If one child can get help, Adam would have fulfilled his purpose in this world.

"I don't know if he was gay or just not successful with girls. I think what he was grappling with is that three of his friends were in relationships and he struggled to do that. I think that because of that he questioned whether or not he was gay."

Nothing could have changed her love for him, she said. "He gave us insight into a side of him we didn't know existed. No-one knew about the demons he had."

She said she hoped that his death would highlight the importance of asking for help.

Adam would've got the help that he needed but now my son is gone

—  Jodi Seef

Adam's dying message speaks of feeling isolated, no matter how many people he was surrounded by. "All I see is them [friends] moving on from me and finding success and heterosexual love, leaving me isolated and alone.

"Trying to pretend to be someone I'm not in front of all of you is becoming more tiring by day as I'm not the heterosexual being I portray for you. I wish I could have told you guys everything and I know you would have understood, but deep down I know our relationship would have changed," it reads.

His father, Justin Seef, who works in marketing, said receiving a call from Israel and hearing his son was dead rendered him numb. "They said Adam was gone. I felt like I couldn't breathe," he said. "We were so stunned and shocked because no-one saw this coming."

Adam was buried on Monday.

He was a gifted academic who matriculated with seven distinctions from King David High School in Linksfield and was on the Independent Examination Board's list of top performers for 2018.

Ten days after his death, Jodi sat on her son's cold, grey bedspread, his final message flashing on the phone's screen.

University timetables hung on the wall above his desk. The Harry Potter anthology had pride of place on his bookshelf.

And as she scanned his words that bled into the pages of his final farewell to his family and friends, she sobbed.

"He had gone to a club with his friends and he wasn't enjoying himself and decided to leave. When they returned home, Adam was in bed, fully clothed. He waited for his friends to fall asleep and he went into the bathroom and slit both his wrists. He then took an elevator for the fifth floor and jumped from the balcony," she said.

In a letter this week, the UK arm of Bnei Akiva offered support to students and peers. "Many people in the Orthodox world feel that there is no-one to talk to about their sexuality," the letter reads. "It is not simple to be LGBT+ and Orthodox. We may not have all the answers, but we are happy to talk about it or direct you to others who could help you.

"We also know that many people struggle with their mental health, and do not feel comfortable talking about it openly. Whilst we are not experts, we can point you in the right direction, or simply be someone you can talk to."

Joburg counselling psychologist Dr Ingrid Artus said fear of rejection will often threaten one's sense of belonging.

"Often the perceived threat of rejection can cause a sense of internalised shame that can be overwhelming, especially for teenagers. It is this shame that may keep teenagers from disclosing their thoughts, feelings and identity-related struggles."

The depression, she said, was often well masked.

Adam, according to his parents, maintained a façade of happiness, which was shattered by the final passage of his note: "No-one will ever understand what it is like to live with a depression as great as this."