God save SA from the odious spectre of dynastic politics, which Duduzane Zuma and his cronies have clumsily and cringeworthily tried to foist upon us over the past few weeks through carefully placed media interviews and social media videos desperate to go "viral"!
Zuma-the-younger's political ambitions are as risible as those of US President Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka Trump - a so-called White House senior adviser during Trump's term in office, and the beneficiary of the most thinly veiled political cronyism in modern American politics.
Ivanka successfully parlayed her position into exclusive Chinese trademarks and New York real estate deals, and has been kindling rumours since her father's political ouster that she has bigger political ambitions within the Republican Party.
What is it about the relatives and the children of politicians in democratic systems that makes them think they are entitled to power once their parents or spouses have completed their term of office?
From the Kirchners and Fujimoris in Latin America to the Bushes, Kennedys and Trudeaus in North America, to Africa's own Kabilas, Kenyattas and Khamas, the story of family connection leading to political power is an old one in democracies the world over.
A 2018 study that analysed the backgrounds of 1,029 presidents and prime ministers holding office in sub-Saharan Africa, Asia, Europe, North America and Latin America between 2000 and 2017 found that 62% were related to individuals who had held that country's top office.
The founding principle behind democratic systems is that they are not monarchies. They operate from the foundational premise that all people are equal and talent and leadership are equally distributed throughout any given population - not ordained by God or passed down through the bloodlines of social elites.
This isn't to say, however, that sound political leadership acumen cannot reside within the same family. Or that the children of political icons should not be inspired by their parents' records in government to similarly seek election to high office. Rather, we should be deeply suspicious of families who believe that their name alone bestows on their progeny and relatives a divine right to rule.
Let me also be very clear: Duduzane Zuma is no Justin Trudeau. Nor is Ivanka Trump an Ian Khama.
When Canadian voters look back at the governance record of Pierre Trudeau, they likely remember a period of unity and prosperity when the country's divergent ethnic groups were able to form a uniquely Canadian identity under the leadership of their fiercely intellectual four-term premier.
And when the people of Botswana remember the government of Seretse Khama, they probably recall the father of Botswana's liberation from colonial despotism, and the author of their country's vast and resilient socio-economic and political prosperity.
It makes at least some sense for Justin Trudeau and Ian Khama to have used the halo of their fathers' governance records to inspire their countries' voters to elect them to high office.
But Donald Trump is a racist autocrat and a bully, and Jacob Zuma stands accused of trying to sell SA to the Gupta family for the price of a few Chappies and a loose cigarette.
These are not political titans whose memory any citizen in either country should wish to see emulated.
Yet despite their relatives' pitiful records in public office, election after election we must deal with speculation in democracies worldwide that the son of this president or the wife of that prime minister is running for head of state.
The beneficiaries of political dynasties are, more often than not, also the products of massive privilege, and utterly disconnected from the people they claim to wish to serve.
Having grown up in presidential palaces with coteries of staff members and bodyguards at their disposal day and night, they are often least likely to be able to empathise with the plight of their country's most dispossessed people.
Witness Duduzane Zuma's eye-rolling interview in one of this paper's sister publications last week: he spoke to the interviewer from his Dubai apartment - itself the source of much speculation about who funded its purchase - and tried to paint himself as "an easy-going guy who enjoys good, clean fun".
Oh, brother.
We really deserve better than this. And we have a plethora of accomplished and talented leaders at every level of society who would make formidable future leaders for our country.
Let's not let political high office become a baton to be casually passed from father to son and wife to husband from one election to the next - and especially not when their relatives have been political flops.
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