From 'fellow South Africans' to 'it looks like Hiroshima': 2020 in quotes

JANUARY

“I wish you and yours a successful and peaceful 2020.” — Cyril Ramaphosa on January 1.

“The puppet master is dead; the strings have been cut.” — Michael Knights, a Gulf expert at the Washington Institute, after US drone strikes killed Iranian Maj Gen Qasem Soleimani of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps on January 3.

“Because of human error and in an unintentional way the flight was hit.” — The Iranian government’s official statement claiming its armed forces had mistaken Ukraine International Airlines Flight 752 as a threat and shot it down, killing all 176 people on board, on January 8.

“We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent.” — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Megxit announced on January 8, prompting musician Jon Bon Jovi to quip that he will be calling Harry “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince” from now on.

“We have to take every measure and closely monitor the situation.” — Chinese disease expert Yuen Kwok-yung announced the country’s (and world’s) first coronavirus death on January 11.

“Enock Mpianzi is dead simply because he was small and unseen.” — Radio presenter Lester Kiewit on the tragic death of the 13-year-old Parktown Boys’ High School pupil who drowned during a Grade 8 orientation camp on January 15.

“It is the president’s belief that under Article II he can do anything he wants, no matter how corrupt, outfitted in gaudy legal clothing.” — Adam Schiff of the US Democratic Party at the start of President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial on January 16.

“We’ve pissed Mother Nature off big time, and she’s paying us back.” — Sharyn Wotton after her home in Wandella, New South Wales, was destroyed in raging Australian bushfires that killed about 3-billion animals.

“I thought he was going to live forever. I thought he was invincible.” — Basketball great Magic Johnson paying tribute to Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant, who died in a helicopter crash in California with nine others, including his 13-year old daughter Gianna, on January 26.

“Brexit was like the UK got drunk and accidentally unfriended Europe on Facebook.” — Comedian Leo Kearse as the UK withdrew from the EU on January 31.

FEBRUARY

“That is sending a wrong message that our courts have no sympathy, no compassion, and that is not something that should be celebrated.” — Lawyer Daniel Mantsha’s reaction to the arrest warrant issued for his client Jacob Zuma who failed to appear to answer corruption charges on February 3.

“Thank you, I will drink until next morning. Thank you.” — South Korean director Bong Joon-ho accepting his Oscar for best director on February 9. His film Parasite scooped four Academy Awards including best picture, making it the first non-English-language film to win the main award in the history of the Oscars.

“Nobody is going to offer you anything for SAA right now … you can sell it for R1. That’s the honest truth.” — Public enterprises minister Pravin Gordhan to parliament on February 19, saying that business rescue practitioners believed SAA was rescuable, but not in the form it then inhabited.

MARCH

“A suspected case of Covid-19 has tested positive.” — Health minister Zweli Mkhize, announcing SA’s first coronavirus case on March 5. Patient Zero, a 38-year-old man from KwaZulu-Natal, had just returned from a holiday in Italy.

“Their words took down a predator and put him behind bars, and gave hope to survivors of sexual violence all across the world.” — Manhattan prosecutor Cyrus Vance commending Annabella Sciorra, Mimi Haleyi, Jessica Mann, Dawn Dunning, Lauren Young and Tarale Wulff, the six women — out of 100 who made public allegations — who took the witness stand in the rape trial of former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. He was sentenced to 23 years in jail on March 11 for rape and sexual abuse.

“Fellow South Africans.” — President Cyril Ramaphosa addressed the nation on March 15 and declared a national state of disaster with sweeping measures to contain the spread of Covid-19.

“You know why animals die in cages? Their soul dies.” — Joe Exotic, speaking at the conclusion of Tiger King, the Netflix documentary that premiered on March 20 and became an instant obsession. Exotic ended up in a cage after he was jailed for animal cruelty and attempting to murder his Big Cat nemesis Carole Baskin.

“Immediate, swift and extraordinary action is required if we are to prevent a human catastrophe of enormous proportions in our country.” — Ramaphosa announced on March 23 that a 21-day lockdown would come into force at midnight on March 26. “For the first time in history we can save the human race by lying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up!” — A social media post that went viral as countries locked down to try to contain the spread of the coronavirus.

“Unreliable electricity supply, persistent weak business confidence and investment as well as long-standing structural labour market rigidities continue to constrain SA’s economic growth.” — Moody’s rating agency junked SA’s status on March 27.

“To say we are not concerned and trembling in our boots about what might be in the coming weeks and months is an understatement.” — Finance minister Tito Mboweni, responding to the double whammy of the Moody’s downgrading and the lockdown.

APRIL

“It is with great regret …” — The All England Club announced on April 1 that for the first time since World War 2 the Wimbledon tennis tournament was cancelled.

“Many have lost their homes. Schools are destroyed. Electricity is down … It’s a nightmare.” — Peter Patty, lord mayor of Luganville town in Vanuatu, as Cyclone Harold tore through the Pacific, causing widespread destruction between April 1 and 9.

“The SANDF members manhandled and assaulted Mr Khosa by pouring beer on top of his head. One member held his hand behind his back while the others choked him and slammed him against the cement wall. They hit him with a butt of the machine gun. They kicked, slapped and punched him in his face, stomach and ribs.” — Affidavit by Nomsa Montsha, partner of Collins Khosa, who was killed on April 10, beaten to death by soldiers who accused him of breaking lockdown rules.

“Toxic substances were found in their stomachs. Was it collective suicide or something else? We’re still looking for answers.” — Chad’s justice minister, Djimet Arabi, after 44 suspected members of Boko Haram were found dead in a prison cell in Chad on April 18.

“When people zol, they put saliva on the paper … And when they share that zol, they are moving saliva from one to the other.” — Co-operative governance & traditional affairs minister Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma, explaining on April 29 why the government reneged on its promise to lift the tobacco ban.

MAY

“House and afro with a driving and powerful bassline.” — DJ Max Hurrell, describing the track he made remixing Dlamini-Zuma’s zol utterances into a smoking-hot parody that went viral in the first week of May.

“Who is this Max Hurrell fellow? We just need to talk.” — Dlamini-Zuma.“X Ash A-12. The X is just X and the A-12 is just A-12.” — SA-born Elon Musk explaining how to pronounce the name of his son, XÆA-Xii, who was born on May 4. This was by no means Musk’s weirdest act of 2020.

“Momma, I love you. Tell my kids I love them.” — The dying words of George Floyd, who was pinned down by police officers on May 25 after being apprehended on suspicion of handing over counterfeit money. He told the officers he couldn’t breathe, more than 20 times. Floyd’s plea became a rallying cry and sparked global protests against systemic racism and police brutality.

JUNE

“We have not been able to find anything that supports a conspiracy.” — Swedish prosecutor Krister Petersson, announcing on June 10 that he was closing the 34-year investigation into the murder of Sweden’s former prime minister Olof Palme. Many believe that SA’s apartheid government had a hand in Palme’s assassination.

“Political affiliations aside, can we not all agree that no child should be going to bed hungry?” — Manchester United striker Marcus Rashford in a letter to British members of parliament on June 15 . This and other protests shamed the UK government into making a spectacular U-turn on school meal vouchers.

“Lol, there are more racist laws today than there were under apartheid. All racist laws are wrong. But permanent victimhood is too highly prized to recognise this.” — It’s not over till the old lady tweets. On June 21 the DA’s Helen Zille stepped into yet another Twitter controversy.

“This is the petrol in their tank.” — When Liverpool clinched their first English Premier League title 30 years after their last such victory, on June 25, team manager Jürgen Klopp said the reason for the players’ motivation was that they understood what it meant to represent the city.

JULY

“I need my rights. I want my dignity.” — Khayelitsha resident Bulelani Qholani, after four police officers were filmed dragging him naked from his shack after an eviction order was issued on July 1.

“We have some suspicions.” — Japanese defence minister Taro Kono on July 7, fuelling further speculation that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was dead. Rumours of the despot’s death turned out to be exaggerated when Kim reappeared at a memorial for his grandfather.

“Don’t shout back at us about ‘all lives matter’. It’s obvious: the evidence is clearly there that white lives matter. We want black lives to matter now. It’s as simple as that.” — West Indies cricketing legend Michael Holding, opening TV channel Sky’s coverage of England’s cricket Test series against the West Indies on July 8 with a potent monologue about the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

“It’s something that we need to take very seriously and, like the rest of the world is doing, make a stand.” — South African strike bowler Lungi Ngidi, calling on the Proteas to get involved in the antiracism movement, much to the chagrin of former South African cricketers and #AllLivesMatter crusaders Pat Symcox and Boeta Dippenaar.

“I am certain that the speedy response by the joint security forces has averted what could have been a more severe bloodbath.” — National police commissioner Gen Khehla Sitole after gunmen took hostages on July 11 at the International Pentecostal Holiness Church in Zuurbekom. Five people were killed in the attack and 40 suspects were arrested.

AUGUST

“All of the former executives and board members breached their fiduciary duty of care and good faith to Eskom, and acted in a concerted state capture effort with the Gupta brothers, Mosebenzi Zwane and Salim Aziz Essa to illegally divert funds from Eskom.” — A statement by the Special Investigating Unit and Eskom on August 3, as they embarked on an effort to recover R3.8bn for SA.

“It is like a pack of hyenas circling wounded prey.” — Ramaphosa slammed corrupt officials defrauding Covid-19 funds on August 3.

“It looks like Hiroshima, it looks like Hiroshima.” — Beirut resident Farah Jaroudi, describing the blast in the Lebanese port that sent a mushroom cloud into the air and a supersonic blast wave radiating through the city. More than 200 people died in the August 4 explosion.

“This was a dream I had when I was a little kid.” — Brad Binder, whose MotoGP victory on August 9 at the Czech Grand Prix marked the first time a South African has won in the premier class.

SEPTEMBER

“There’s no way you can defend this. We’ve got it horribly wrong.” — Clicks CEO Vikesh Ramsunder after the company published a racist advert on September 6 describing a black woman’s hair as “dry, damaged, frizzy and dull” and the hair of a white woman as “fine, flat and normal”.

“Any symbol, monument or activity that glorifies racism has no place in democratic SA.” — Ramaphosa condemned apartheid statues in his Heritage Day address on September 24.

“[There] can be no better celebration of our South Africanness than joining the global phenomenon that is the Jerusalema dance challenge.” — To celebrate Heritage Day, Ramaphosa urged fellow South Africans to take up the #jerusalemadancechallenge to show the world what we’re capable of.

“Jerusalema is a celebration of survivors. It’s a victory from difficult and unknown times.” — A nurse at Netcare Alberlito Hospital in KwaZulu-Natal after staff there performed the dance. Master KG’s Jerusalema became a symbol of hope amidst Covid-19 fear and had the world dancing through the pandemic with more than a billion streams across all platforms.

OCTOBER

“He was one of the gears that made the clock work.” — Gilly Scheepers, describing 21-year-old Brendin Horner, the manager of his farm, whose body was found tied to a gate in Senekal on October 2.

“They [the white farmers] don’t see the bigger picture of dysfunctionality in SA. Everybody is being targeted, everybody is being robbed.” — Khanyi Magubane, political commentator, after a standoff between farmers and the EFF in Senekal, following Horner’s murder.

“I’m not worried, I’m not surprised.” — ANC secretary-general Ace Magashule complained on October 7 that he was being targeted for a “Hollywood-style arrest”. A month later he was given an opportunity to present himself to authorities on charges relating to the R255m Free State asbestos case.

“There was this suspenseful music and then I was so happy I couldn’t breathe. Then the air came rushing back and it was the most exciting moment.” — Miss SA Shudufhadzo Musida on the moment she heard that she had won the crown on October 24.

“I won’t hightail it into the bush if I get bail because I’ve done nothing wrong.” — Self-proclaimed prophet Shepherd Bushiri vowed after he and his wife, Mary, were arrested on October 20 on fraud and money-laundering charges. He was right. The couple didn’t hightail it into the bush; they hotfooted it into Malawi.

NOVEMBER

“This is in bad taste.” — Nando’s response to a fake Nando’s ad featuring Bushiri demanding 10 hot full chickens every day to come back to SA.

“The Nazis had the brown shirts that went around terrorising minorities. SA has the red shirts.” — From a statement by the DA after an EFF protest against alleged racism at Brackenfell High School turned into a violent confrontation with parents on November 9. The red berets were protesting against a matric party that only white matric pupils attended.

“In the DA’s desperation for relevance and a desire to capture its lost white voter base, they cheapen the memory of Kristallnacht and the painful memory of the Holocaust.” — The EFF shot back.

“Our mission is to protect the unique wildlife like the only known white giraffe.” — Wildlife monitoring officer Antony Wandera when the world’s only known white giraffe was fitted with a GPS tracking device on November 17 in an effort to protect it from poachers in Kenya.

“I’m satisfied the applicant’s contention has no merit.” — State capture inquiry chair justice Raymond Zondo dismissed Zuma’s application for his recusal from the inquiry on November 19.

“I ask the questions here, Mr Gordhan, so just chill.” — Advocate Dali Mpofu, representing former South African Revenue Service commissioner Tom Moyane, sparring with Gordhan during a Zondo commission hearing on November 30.

DECEMBER

“Changes will only happen if we keep pushing … if we keep being very, very annoying.” — Activist Greta Thunberg on December 8, speaking about how to keep fighting climate change.

“Tomorrow is the five-year anniversary of us googling ‘Who is Des van Rooyen?’” — Journalist Qaanitah Hunter tweeted on December 8 about the Zuma administration’s surprise — and short-lived — appointment of the Weekend Special finance minister.

“No point in dying now when I have lived this long, is there?” — 91-year-old Martin Kenyon, one of the first people to receive the coronavirus vaccination in the UK on December 8.

“Don’t listen to this weird, grumpy, elitist man. Be Dr Biden. Be Dr Biden forever.” — Washington Post journalist Monica Hesse after occasional essayist Joseph Epstein wrote in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece on December 12 that First Lady-Elect Dr Jill Biden shouldn’t be called doctor because she is not a medical doctor (she has a doctorate in education).

“Providing scientific advice on Covid-19 in the midst of uncertainty and anxiety proved to be a difficult task, made more challenging by conspiracy theories.” — Prof Salim Abdool Karim, who received the 2020 John Maddox Prize for Standing up for Science with Dr Anthony Fauci on December 14.