Shed the burden of delusion

The perpetual presidential candidate, McBuffalo’s brother in-law Jeff Radebe, has once again thrown his hat into the ring ahead of the ANC election in December.

The former minister believes there are ANC branches that might just nominate him for the top job. He joins Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma, Lindiwe Sisulu, former Digital Vibes minister Zweli Mkhize and Baba kaDuduzane’s former landlord, Sizani Dlamini-Dubazana, who are all eyeing McBuffalo’s job.

If each and every presidential candidate came with power, we wouldn't be having rolling blackouts.

ACES ARE LOW IN LIAR'S POKER 

Speaking of candidates who stand no chance, Ace Magashule still believes he can be elected to some position at the upcoming conference.

Magashule is excluded because he faces a corruption charges — and his trial has been postponed to January, a month  after the ANC will have chosen its new leaders.

But the leader of the radical economic transformation forces believes branches can go ahead and nominate him anyway.

“I'm now saying to branches of the ANC: if you don't stand up and nominate whoever you want to nominate, forget about the ANC in 2024.”

Ace seems to believe his own lies. Remember when he told the whole world that he had suspended McBuffalo?

KWAITO CARD THROWN INTO THE MIX

The queue to replace David “the Cat” Mabuza is getting longer. It seems everyone who realises they can’t beat McBuffalo reckons the deputy presidency is a low-hanging fruit.

The list includes cashless ANC treasurer-general Paul Mashatile, justice minister Ronald Lamola, human settlements minister Mmamoloko Kubayi, water affairs minister Senzo Mchunu, small business development minister Stella Ndabeni-Abrahams and Eastern Cape premier Oscar Mabuyane.

Mabuyane’s campaign includes a promo video of him calling himself “Diya the delicious” — and strange footage of him pretending to be a house DJ playing music from an old laptop.

Old Hog thinks Mabuyane stands a better chance of starting a career as DJ Delicious than of becoming the deputy to McBuffalo.

DON'T TRY SINGING FOR YOUR SUPPER

Mabuyane’s comrade in KwaZulu-Natal, eThekwini mayor Mxolisi Kaunda, is already preparing for a future without blue lights.

The unfortunate audience at a recent Durban event had to listen to his attempts at singing.

A video of the musical embarrassment trended, for all the wrong reasons.  The song, with a message intended to inspire the youth, is most uninspiring.

Surely with qualifications in governance and public administration, Kaunda could  get a job as a government clerk.

IS THAT COAL THE OLD FOSSIL'S SMOKING?

The minister in charge of electricity but not of Eskom, Uncle Gweezy, was irked by the pipe-smoking former president’s dressing down of the government over its handling of our power crisis.

“The worst thing you can do as a leader is to criticise your predecessor and successor. The problem with comparing yourself with a predecessor or successor is that you appear to be projecting your own space as clean, and everybody else is not clean,” Uncle Gweezy told scribes.

“The leadership I am expecting from my former presidents is that they will assist the current president grapple with issues.”

Second-guessing was “an easy way out, it does not talk to the problem we are confronted with”.

McBuffalo has been “grappling” with Eskom issues since he became Baba kaD’s deputy — surely he should be even more of an expert on the subject than a fired up former prez.

KEEP WALKING TO THE FORESHORE

Even as ANC comrades compile their lists of preferred leaders, they need to keep abreast of news of national importance.

Uncle Tony must surely have already spread the word among his faction about one recent key development, but Old Hog wants to ensure all party factions are aware of it.

Cubana — the official headquarters of the governing party in Cape Town — has relocated from Green Point to the Foreshore.

Hopefully cadres will not get lost next time they land in the Mother City on their state-sponsored junkets.

• Write to Hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za