No wonder Bafana Bafana lost after dressing-room training tips from Zizi Kodwa

If Zizi was Goodenough to play football, he would have been South Africa’s answer to Zinedine Zidane. Kodwa our minister of sport Zizi is no Zizou, the French fulcrum who starred for Real Madrid and led the Spanish giants to a hat-trick of Uefa Champions League titles. Kodwa left Hogarth befuddled when in a viral video he is seen and heard advising Bafana Bafana against playing high balls against Mali.

In the dressing room. For one who would struggle to differentiate a high press from a low block, Kodwa was offside. Hogarth is not going to ask him to produce his PhD in football coaching, which may need to be reviewed by VAR, but we appeal to him and his fellow traveller Danny Jordaan not to treat Bafana Bafana like a kindergarten team. No wonder Bafana got beat.

Swallows boost for Lesufi's jobs drive

Speaking of politicians and soccer, our sports desk tells us that Moroka Swallows — a football club in the Premier Soccer League, to donate easy points to perennial winners Mamelodi Sundowns — has fired 22 of its players. The footballers were apparently expelled for striking over unpaid salaries. The Dube Birds, as the club is popularly known, have as their chair one David Mogashoa.

But their most famous former co-owner and number one backer is none other than Gauteng premier Panyaza Lesufi. So, now that the club has 22 vacancies, and Panyaza has fashioned himself as a premier who finds jobs for the unemployed, Hogarth is wondering whether new Nas' iSpani (here is a job) billboards will be springing up across Gauteng advertising positions at the premier's favourite club.

White capital still just won't do

South Africans found it very hard to believe a tale told this week by Baba kaDuduzane to his supporters of a white man who wanted to meet the leadership of his new stokvel, the MK party. The man was allegedly sent by a well-known white businessman who was offering the party R1.6bn so they don't nationalise the mines and the banks. “I could see these white men are disrespecting and undermining us. That's white people for you,” Baba kaD added. It would have been a waste of a billion, if you ask Hogarth. As things stand, the Nkandla Crooner will remain on the periphery even after the elections.

But he looks like a billion bucks

ANC provincial secretary Bheki Mtolo was among those who didn't buy the story. He told an ANC eThekwini meeting of an old man who claims to have declined a R1bn offer. “I told [provincial ANC chair Siboniso] Duma that he has taken the R1bn. He is probably nervous this will come out, otherwise why would he tell us out of the blue that he was offered money and declined it?

And, looking at his programmes or movements, you can see he does have a billion. All of sudden, he and his people have expensive golf shirts.” Mtolo continued: “We know your character, and there is no way you can resist a billion. We know you. Now that you have left the ANC, you suddenly have the capacity to resist a billion? You? We know you — you don't resist money. Money is your weakness. In fact, that's the source of your problems — money. You've always had money problems.”

Slip-up follows break-up

They say old habits die hard. Nkandla’s favourite son exhibited this on Monday. Addressing supporters during the launch of the MK party in his hometown, Zuma had them in stitches with a slip of the tongue. “They have made this thing easy. They do not say: ‘Take [up] arms [and fight].’ [They say]: ‘Just go and vote for ANC ... no, not ANC ... sorry’,” said a blundering Zuma as his followers burst out laughing. A bitter ex-lover finds it hard to let go ...

Getting the family finger

And letting go is what several families of fallen ANC veterans did to Zuma this week. The late minister Collins Chabane and Peter “Dambuza” Malada publicly rejected Zuma. The families were not impressed to learn that he and his MK party brigade planned to visit the burial sites of their loved ones as part of their campaign in Limpopo. The Chabane family effectively branded Zuma a political entrepreneur.

“Let no-one change his commitment to the liberation struggle, transformation of our country, and unity of the struggling people led by the Congress movement. [Chabane’s] final resting place is a family property that is sacrosanct to the Mhinga clan. The family expects no-one at their graveyard on the date. Let no-one trample upon his soul and name for entrepreneurial political purposes.”