Friday marked 100 days since Eskom last plunged the country into darkness through load-shedding — a plausible achievement given that, even in the days of the power utility’s supposed saviour André de Ruyter, no-one could ever imagine the country having so much power. But did the powers that be at Eskom have to go and ruin such a great moment by throwing themselves a party — and even having a cake baked — to mark the 100-day milestone? We must put an end to this culture of celebrating fish for swimming otherwise we’ll soon have MPs throwing bashes in celebration of not falling asleep during parliamentary sittings.
If it’s any consolation
Hogarth hears that in the run-up to McBuffalo announcing his cabinet there was a lot of anxiety in some ANC circles about the future of Paul Mashatile, the party’s deputy president. With all the scandalous headlines about Mashatile doing the rounds of late, his supporters in the ANC became convinced there was some devious conspiracy involving the president and the DA not to reappoint him as the country’s deputy president, to make way for the blue party’s John Steenhuisen.
As it happens, Steenhuisen and the DA were never a threat at all. The DA leader proved himself not in the least bit interested in the Union Buildings and accepted, without qualms, Ramaphosa’s decision that he look after livestock and tractors at the agriculture ministry. The real threat to Mashatile, it now turns out, was from one Ganief Hendricks — the leader of Al Jama-ah — who apparently thinks that, since the ANC in Johannesburg made his unknown colleague Kabelo Gwamanda a mayor there as part of a coalition agreement, he had a shot at being the country’s deputy president. McBuffalo apparently laughed off Hendricks’ demand before consoling him with the post of deputy minister of social development.
Dr DA, I presume?
But clearly McBuffalo wishes great things for Steenhuisen, whose party rescued the president’s ANC by agreeing to go into a coalition with it after the ruling party had seen its majority sink to just over 40% after the general election. Seemingly so grateful is McBuffalo to Steenhuisen that, when calling out ministers who were to be sworn in earlier this week, he introduced him as “Dr John Steenhuisen”. When the rest of the audience at the ceremony burst out laughing, the president acted surprised: “Did I say Dr or Mr?”
Steenhuisen was a good sport about it, later asking Chief Justice Zondo to confirm that a PhD had been conferred on him by the president. To which Zondo cleverly replied, “Unfortunately, the president is not a university.”
Gwede’s gaffe
If there was one member of his cabinet the president should have mistaken for a PhD, it was his minerals minister Gwede Mantashe. Despite his busy schedule as a cabinet member and chair of the ANC, Uncle Gweezy last year impressed everyone when he obtained his second master’s degree. But even with this high level of education, the former unionist still got his affirmations wrong.
Mantashe provided a comical moment when he pledged to “divulge” cabinet secrets instead of “not divulge”, as written out in the affirmation of office that ministers sign.
This caused the chief justice to quip, “So, Mr President, if there are any leaks, you will know [where they came from].”
Comic turn
Then came the turn of Gayton ons baiza nie McKenzie, the new minister of sports.
The ex-convict turned businessman, then mayor, and now minister, mocked Mantashe when it was his turn to take the oath.
“I undertake to hold my office as minister with honour and dignity, to be a true and faithful counsellor, not to divulge, like Mr Mantashe, directly or indirectly ... ,” said McKenzie.
Jailtime jest
But when Zondo then instructed him to take a seat so he could sign the oath of office, McKenzie was clearly reminded of another period in his storied life.
“The last time a judge asked me to sit, he made me sit for 10 years,” he told Zondo, to great laughter from the rest of the audience.
Tongue-twister
What will it take to make minor amendments to the minister’s oath of office? Every year, one or two oath-takers get dribbled by the word “conscientiously”. Old Hog is in full support of new minister of water and sanitation DJ Pemza’s proposal for ministers to be able to take their oath in their mother tongue — or we’ll end up judging people based on their pronunciation rather than their ability to do the job.
Under new MKP management
Hogarth believes the country’s biggest sector really missed an opportunity during the so-called nine wasted years by not approaching former president Jacob Zuma to change the country’s labour laws. Though the man rose to power thanks to Zwelinzima Vavi and other red-T-shirt-wearing unionists who believed uBaba would lead them to a workers’ paradise, it turns out Zuma really enjoys the business of hiring and firing at will. His new business venture MKP is barely six months old and yet it has gone through four secretaries-general already.
When the party was established, he had Thanduxolo Dyodo as SG, before he fired him and had him replaced by Sihle Ngubane. And then Ngubane was removed and replaced with Arthur Zwane, not to be confused with the failed Kaizer Chiefs coach. Zwane had hardly taken office when he too was removed and replaced by Sifiso Maseko.
Zwane tried to spin his departure by saying he had resigned to concentrate on his businesses — but Zuma would not be denied the fun of humiliating him. He got the party to announce that Zwane had been removed for “mismanagement”.
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