If Julius Malema fashions himself as a commander-in-chief, Mbuyiseni Ndlozi must fancy himself as a specialist sniper in Juju's paramilitary battalion. In parliament, he is always on hand to take potshots at rival MPs, disrupting their speeches during debates. For instance, he seemed to have floored mineral resources minister Gwede Mantashe on Friday when, in the middle of the minister making a crucial point, Ndlozi pointed out that Uncle Gweezy had not buttoned up his tailored suit properly. “I'm preserving the integrity of the GNU,” Ndlozi mockingly told the house, amid gales of laughter from the EFF benches. The usually argumentative Mantashe had no comeback; he simply straightened his jacket and graciously thanked the EFF man for looking out for him.
But some targets shoot back
Others were not willing to take the EFF marksman's shots lying down. Agriculture minister and DA leader John Steenhuisen irritated the EFF and its fellow travellers when he claimed that the country was held “captive by political forces that seek to break down, rather than build”. This prompted Ndlozi to fire a point of order: “I wanted respectfully to address the honourable member [Steenhuisen] with his rightful title as a matriculant... This is a judge” — pointing at MK Party parliamentary leader John Hlophe — “and this is a matriculant”, pointing at Steenhuisen. But the target turned out to be a skilled counter-sniper, responding with speed and deadly accuracy: “The grannies, pensioners and stokvels who had their money stolen from VBS Mutual Bank do not sleep any better knowing the people who stole from them have doctorates and master's degrees.”
Don't take on a street fighter
The wounded Ndlozi's next target was Gayton McKenzie, the PA leader and former gangster who is now sports & culture minister. In his contribution to the debate, McKenzie had spoken as if the country already had the sovereign wealth fund proposed by President Cyril Ramaphosa. Ndlozi took umbrage. There was no such fund, Ndlozi said scornfully, telling McKenzie not to bring to parliament “those talks by the streets you are having”. Always a street-fighter, McKenzie just took it to the gutter: “Your peers, you always talk about education honourable Ndlozi, are delivering papers while you are [an] ice-boy here being sent around. Don't come to me.” At that point, the EFF sniper seemed to have run out of ammunition.
Or judge a judge
Having silenced Ndlozi, McKenzie turned his attention to Hlophe. During his maiden speech as the official leader of the opposition, the former Western Cape judge president had spent much of his time railing against the influence of Roman-Dutch law over the South African justice system. An MKP government, he had declared, would introduce African law. As a former convict, the former judge's remarks amused McKenzie, who pointed out that Hlophe made a living for decades through implementing the laws he was now criticising. “You, honourable judge, have sent many of my friends to jail with Roman-Dutch law, which you enjoyed... Today when you are no longer there, now you see something wrong with Roman-Dutch law.” What McKenzie seemed not to know is that Hlophe had written on the subject numerous times, as a judge and an academic. But Hogarth is prepared to cut him some slack, one can't expect an ex-convict to read all the academic papers out there about such an arcane subject.
So much to say, so little time
The last time ActionSA's Athol Trollip was in the national house of chaos, he was DA parliamentary leader. As the leader of the second biggest party, Trollip was assured plenty of speaking time on the podium. On Friday Trollip looked perplexed and protested when a presiding officer told him his five minutes were up. Poor old Trollip, Hogarth understands how difficult it must be to transition from leader of the official opposition to leading a six-seat party.
So little to say, so much time
Still on speaking time, MKP chief whip Sihle Ngubane spent a lot of his allocated slot rambling and waffling, telling MPs that Cyril's speech was a waste of their time. Hogarth's men in parliament thought they might be the only ones bored by Ngubane droning on while saying nothing. That was until the ANC deployed electricity & energy minister Kgosientsho “Sputla” Ramokgopa: “I must say that 12 minutes can be a very, very long, long time when you don't know what to say,” he giggled, leaving MPs in stitches.
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