Rock stars also retire

All the clever headlines about Tshwane teetering on the brink of collapse will hopefully stop now that Cilliers Brink has finally been ousted as the capital city’s mayor. Hogarth was bitterly disappointed by how quick and easy the whole affair proved to be. For weeks, the war talk from both side suggested we were headed for an epic battle for the control of the city and its budget. On the day, Brink arrived in style in a blue suit and dark shades like a politician with a Machiavellian trick or two up his sleeve. Had he secretly convinced some ActionSA councillors to defy Hairman and vote against the motion of no confidence in him or did the Fikile Mbalula of the DA just cut a fresh deal with the Helen Zille of the ANC to let him keep the mayoral chain? One never knows, anything is possible in these Government of National Fraternité times.

But alas, there was not going to be an interesting twist to the story. Everybody voted the way they had been instructed by their respective party bosses and, just like that, Cilliers Brink was without his chain.

If his arrival at the City Council was akin to that of a rock star, his departure was akin to those you see when a disgraced Kaizer Chiefs coach leaves the club — crowds of people jeering him and shouting “ha tsamaye” (good riddance) as he made his solo walkout.

The game of municipal musical chairs can be brutal.

...but silent 's' reduces the burden

While watching the whole affair on television, Hogarth felt this very strong urge to send a bouquet of flowers to the city’s chief spokesperson and ex-newspaperman Selby Bokaba. This is not because Bokaba would have felt personally aggrieved by the decision. Over the years the man has proven himself to be nothing but an absolute professional — serving each administration with utmost dedication, no matter which party colours the mayor wore. But Hogarth felt for him because the man is so serious about his job that he went out of his way to learn how Brink’s first name is pronounced and was not shy to point out to anyone who butchered the mayor’s name on radio that the “s” is Cilliers is silent. Now he’ll have to do it all over again for the next mayor, who may also not last long. Eish.

Honourable Bantinti enjoys the fireside

The one coalition government that looks set to last though, is also based in Tshwane and goes by the name of the GNU. Judging by the excitement of some of the new ministers, the past 100 days have been a blast and the politicians will do all in their power to have it last, to misquote one Jacob Zuma, until..., wait, he did “come back”, that is why we have the GNU...

None is loving the GNU gig more that the honourable former inmate Gayton McKenzie. Speaking at what was supposed to be a sombre event where the remains of more than 40 political exiles were being repatriated home, the minister of arts & culture couldn’t hide his excitement about being in Ramaphosa’s cabinet.

The one coalition government that looks set to last though, is also based in Tshwane and goes by the name of the GNU

“Let them talk, it’s really cold outside, go monate (it’s nice) inside. The GNU is working, we’re happy, President Ramaphosa is leading us,” he told the audience.

“You’re a leader among leaders...you have hired me despite people saying you can never make McKenzie minister. Today you can call me bantinti (bandit or convict), but you must still call me honourable. You can call me names but I’m inside cabinet,” he gloated in a mixture of Sesotho and English. And the pain, as the GenZs would say, went straight to the EFF’s headquarters.

Bad Boy took the ride... uh call

Clearly Ramaphosa is also relieved to have McKenzie as his sports minister after all the years of having to suffer Nathi Mthethwa with his humongous flag over Pretoria idea.

The Prez told the same audience how it took three phone calls to convince McKenzie and his Patriotic Alliance to join the GNU.

When Ramaphosa called the third time to inform him that he would be made sports minister, McKenzie told the president that he was at the movies.

“...and I said what are you watching, he said ‘Bad Boys: Ride or Die’“, Ramaphosa recalled.

After listening to what the president had to say, McKenzie thanked him and then put the phone down.

“Then he called me back and he said ‘Mr President did I hear you correctly?’ — and I said yes. He then said ‘I’m asking because I had given the phone to my guards and said the president will call’ and when I did not call for a while, they laughed at him”.

Hogarth is however disappointed that neither the minister nor president revealed whether McKenzie celebrated the news by inviting his best friend Kenny Kunene for a sushi party. After all, Kunene made his name as “the sushi king”.

Mysterious newspaper has lots to learn

Meanwhile down in KwaZuma-Natal, a digital poster is doing the rounds inviting prospective scribes to attend a “journalist workshop” where such profound questions as “what is journalist (sic)?”, “good practice journalism”, “social media affect in journalism” will be discussed. All you need to do to attend is to pay a R300 registration fee and you will have access to such doyens of journalism as one “Pastor Ngubo” and an “Apostle Bhelebane” and other unrecognisable bylines. A closer look at the poster, however, reveals that it is published “Ezinohlonze”, which describes itself as “Mkhonto weSizwe Newspaper”.

Hogarth smells a self-enrichment scheme here but then us journalists are notoriously bad at making money.