He is arguably the world’s most feared head of state, a ruthless intelligence officer who rose to the top of the Kremlin hierarchy. But the biographers and historians have got their facts wrong about Vladimir Putin, it appears. It turns out that it was not the KGB that trained Putin and turned him into a superspy. According to a branded golf shirt worn by MK Party followers, Putin is “one of the Young Lions trained by Nxamalala”.
Hogarth knows that in the Soviet era, Moscow routinely rewrote history to polish the image of successive new leaders and erase references to those who fell out of favour. But even the best of Stalin’s propagandists would marvel at the gumption of Jacob Zuma and his spin doctors in creating an alternative history that portrays the Nkandla crooner as a global icon.
Trojan termite damage
The Putin story may be somewhat embellished, but there’s no denying that the Nkandla Crooner is a crafty spymaster. Just look at what he has done to the EFF. First he invited its leader Julius Malema and a couple of other EFF leaders for tea at his Nkandla homestead. Malema jumped at the idea, seeing it as an opportunity to recruit Zuma to his side in the fight against the ANC.
Zuma’s next gambit was to send trusted loyalists to swell the EFF’s ranks: “Not-Jimmy” Manyi, Magasela Mzobe, Carl Niehaus, Busi Mkhwebane and a number of others. Mission accomplished, one by one they returned to the Nkandla kraal — though Carl seems to have lost the plot — accompanied by new recruits in the form of Floyd Shivambu, Dali Mpofu and others. By the time Malema realised he had fallen for the old Trojan Horse trick, it was too late. Now the self-styled commander-in-chief is talking war, telling his followers that he’ll not play nicely next time he bumps into Zuma. Despite all the talk of “black unity” and “a progressive caucus”, Hogarth doubts there will be a sequel to the Nkandla tea party any time soon.
Who wants the job anyway?
Despite the declarations by his departing confidantes that they could no longer stand his dictatorial tendencies, Juju insists he is a democrat. If he was a dictator, he said in an EFF podcast, the party would not even hold elective meetings.
“We are the only organisation, after the ANC, which goes to a conference and the president gets to be told: ‘Your term of office has ended, leave the stage to join [the] others;’ anything can happen.”
Yeah right. Except nominations at EFF conferences are by a show of hands, so it’s little wonder Juju’s position is never contested. And when candidates of whom he doesn’t approve are nominated for other posts, he has been known to whisper in their ear that it would be better if they did not accept nomination.
Remember the good old days
While we’re discussing dictators, Bantu Holomisa has been keeping a low profile since he was handed blue-light vehicles and bodyguards as deputy minister of defence. This has prompted some on social media to call him out for losing interest in his crusade to identify those who are stealing public funds.
Then a group of reporters from the Eastern Cape caught up with him at an event. He was on a roll until one scribe asked him about his ambitions. “General, do you ever wake up and say ‘I’m going to steal the Transkei again through a coup d’état’?”
“You are out of order,” muttered the ex-homeland general as he walked away.
A song and dance
Remember Tsonga disco king Papa Penny? He who is famous for disco tune Papa Penny Ahee that became a hilarious TV reality show. Real name Gezani Eric Kobane, the self-styled king of Tsonga disco is now an MP in the MK Party.
He was one of those who got riled up when they learnt on Tuesday that police minister Senzo Mchunu had quietly excused himself from parliament during an oral question and answer session.
But, when he rose on a point of order, naughty ANC MPs mocked him cruelly. “Can you sing for us, you’re an artist ... ayeye, Papa Penny Ahee,” they shouted.
“Chair, I’m not here to be a Popeye,” Kobane said. “I’m here to speak for the people. There is no favourite; we are all the same. Chair, you should have told us that the minister was leaving; treat us equally.”
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