And there she is, dear reader. The bumbling, impeached former public protector, doubling as the former “fighter advocate” Busisiwe Mkhwebane, has proved she is the master of buffoonery.
She has been declared by you, dear reader, as the dimmest person of 2024, taking the coveted mampara of the year award.
The former EFF MP who defected to that stokvel run by Jacob Zuma from his Nkandla enclave, dubbed the uMkhonto weSizwe Party, has been voted Mampara of the year by a stunning 41.62% of respondents.
When not spewing bile in parliament, Mkhwebane spent time in court on frivolous cases that were thrown out as baseless — including an attempt to claim a multimillion-rand loss of office gratuity despite her impeachment.
And when all that failed, she resorted to, hurling racial slurs, blaming her self-inflicted legal woes on “key figures of Indian descent”.
With her almost seven-year tenure as a Zuma protector rather than a public protector, there’s no prize for guessing why she feels at home in the MK Party.
Egoli’s funereal mayor
And the next up is the disgraced former mayor of Johannesburg, Kabelo Gwamanda, who amassed 14.62% of the votes to become the runner-up Mamapara.
He failed spectacularly at running the country’s biggest and wealthiest city — but that’s not the only reason he earned his silver medal. It also emerged that Gwamanda stands accused of swindling poor residents of Soweto when he ran a funeral policy scam before masquerading as a competent mayor.
The defrauded residents were stunned to see him appear on TV as their mayor and raised the alarm. Thanks to law enforcement, this man is now in court for his alleged fraud.
Ill fitted to lead
The bronze medal goes to John “Vuligate” Steenhuisen, the leader of the Desperate Alliance. The chief of the blue party scored 12.47% of the votes in the Mampara electoral contest, after featuring in this column at least three times this year.
“Vuligate” stunned voters, especially during the elections campaign season, when he branded Gauteng government crime wardens as “drunkards” recruited from taverns and dressed in “ill fitting” Pep store uniforms.
When he was called out, “Baas John” — as he is mockingly referred to by EFF and MK Party MPs — refused to apologise for the insults. He also demonstrated his nostalgia for the Jan van Riebeek era when he branded opposition parties “mercenaries” who wanted to loot the Western Cape.
Then he proceeded to hire racist podcaster Roman Cabanac as his chief of staff. He was left with egg on his face when other DA leaders ordered him to reverse the appointment.
Another embarrassing episode followed for the GNU agriculture minister with his attempt to appoint support staff who did not have the requisite qualifications, which was rightfully thrown out by the minister of public service and administration.
But at least he’s ending the year as a registered Unisa student, after years of being lampooned for his lack of tertiary qualifications.
Speaking of fools
At No 4 is Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, the former speaker of the National Assembly, with 11% of the votes. She boasts the dubious record of being the first speaker of parliament to face criminal charges while holding office.
The former minister of defence allegedly took bribes, in the form of money bags, during her tenure in that ministry.
Before her first court appearance, she demanded special treatment, with an attempt to interdict the National Prosecuting Authority from arresting her.
For someone who was once a custodian of the constitution, a speaker of parliament, this mampara had failed to read the constitutional chapter that addresses equality before the law.
Ready to riot
Completing the top five is Visvin Reddy, an MK Party MP who’s also its provincial leader in KwaZulu-Natal, with 4% of the votes.
At the height of campaign season earlier in the year, this clown threatened civil war when there were doubts his party would make it on to the ballot paper as it was embroiled in court battles with the ANC.
“There will be riots like you’ve never seen in this country, there’ll be no election. No South African will go to the polls if MK is not on the ballot paper,” he threatened.
And then, the also-rans
Other contenders included Cabanac, MK Party loony youth leader Bonginkosi Khanyile, axed DA MP Renaldo Gouws, sports minister Gayton McKenzie, and axed MK Party leader Jabulani Khumalo.
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