A not so great trek?
So the Orange One doesn’t just chase millions of Latinos and other first-generation immigrants out of the US, he wants to clear Gaza of its indigenous Palestinian population and “evacuate” millions of Afrikaners from an imaginary genocide in South Africa?
That’s a moerse international Great Trek.
Hogarth would like to warn his Afrikaner cousins and friends, however, that the last time the US took great numbers of people from Africa, they turned them into slaves.
A choice: Juju or frostbite
But even if slavery is not on the cards for this African tribe said to be endangered by Trump and his — to quote Hogarth’s favourite Facebook philosopher Sabs — Praetorian Prefect from Pretoria, Elon Musk, Hogarth thinks it is too much of a coincidence that Trump wants to take Greenland from Denmark at a time he is looking to settle Afrikaners.
Which goes to show that Trump has no clue about Afrikaners. Which proud Afrikaner would rather go freeze in Greenland just because Juju and them now and again drink too much Klipdrift without Coke and start shouting land, land? Nee man!
A fearsome cupcake!
Given all the Trump threats and the noises coming from the Dictator in Kigali, McBuffalo knew that he’d have to bring his macho game to his state of the nation address this week. The speech was to the point, peppered with such appropriate lines as “we will not be bullied”. All that was needed to set the tone was the customary praise poet. Enter young Inako Mateza, an imbongi from Willowvale in the Eastern Cape. She was on script as she lionised the Soweto-born and raised president. If Kagame knew isiXhosa, or any of the local languages, he would have been greatly frightened. But then she spoiled it all when ending her praises by calling the president “My Cupcake”. On hearing that, even Trump would have wanted to grab and play with the president’s cheeks while saying sweet nothings to him.
MKP gets its wires crossed
A lone protester stood in front of parliament on that day, waving a placard with the words: “Down with the new world order.” No one really paid much attention to her. On close inspection, Hogarth’s spies discovered that the lady was wearing an MK Party shirt. Someone in the MKP forgot to brief her about the party’s stance on the new Trump administration. Remember when they issued this statement: “This moment marks a pivotal opportunity for global politics to embrace justice, fairness and respect for national sovereignty. We view Trump's leadership as a beacon of hope for dismantling systems of exploitation and oppression that were perpetuated under previous administrations.”
Not special without blue lights
There was no Wednesday special when Weekend Special snuck into the bar of a hotel in the Cape Town CBD for a late meeting with a buddy. Dressed in shorts and what looked suspiciously like leather shoes, Des Van Rooyen — who Jacob Zuma astonishingly wanted to put in charge of our purse strings — was seen looking around the hotel restaurant to see if anyone recognised him. Other than Hogarth's spy, who has a knack for spotting dubious politicians, no one else noticed the MKP backbencher sans blue lights.
MPs drink to their sobriety
Nothing can come between our thirsty MPs and a free drink. In fact, they will fall over themselves for a free tipple. Just last week, EFF and MKP MPs screamed and shouted against free booze when they were briefed that parliament had secured sponsorship for a post Sona event. They claimed drinking alcohol during “working hours” would be unethical. These are guys with full access to taxpayer sponsored booze all year round. Well, those who were at the post-Sona shindig at the swanky Cape Town International Convention Centre tell Hogarth that the very same MPs were the first in line to hog the bar and the last to leave!
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