Hogarth is old enough to remember when fringe right-wing groups claiming to represent the interests of Afrikaners would gather in Pretoria and in dorpies around the old Transvaal and talk about “taking South Africa back”, first from FW de Klerk’s government and later from Nelson Mandela.
They were inspired by a very large man whose main claim to fame was spewing racist vitriol at such rallies and, of course, falling off a horse and having holes in his underpants. But since the demise of Eugène Terre'Blanche (ET) and the fizzling out of his AWB, these types seemed to have disappeared.
Until, that is, a new, orange, fake messiah appeared in the US, promising them the whole of America for a Volkstaat. Yesterday the fringe right-wingers were out in the Pretoria streets again, this time professing their loyalty to the US president. All that was missing was Donald Trump in a khaki uniform with that AWB swastika-like flag.
... but you can't braai there
But there is no guarantee that those marching would really be at home in the Orange One’s America, if he indeed lives up to his promise to take them in as “refugees” while kicking out Mexicans and other brown people he considers illegal. So some of them have been asking the South African Chamber of Commerce in the US if life would really be better in a country where they force you to call a braai a barbecue.
In response, the chamber's president, Neil Diamond, told the Sunday Times: “Life in America is not necessarily nicer, but better... My wife drives a Tesla Model 3 self-drive car. One of our friends in South Africa asked me: ‘But what does the Tesla do when it gets to a broken traffic lights?’ I thought for a moment and then told him ‘I don’t know, we’ve only had the Tesla for two years'.”
Straws in the wind
Taking time off from organising the Second Great Trek and selling out Ukraine to his buddy Vladimir Putin, Trump this week issued what some say is one of his most important executive orders — banning paper straws. Now while Hogarth’s favourite choice of drink does not need a straw, he has heard his great-grandchildren complain about how paper straws, invented to save the environment by reducing reliance on plastic, are simply impractical to use. So from that perspective, he understands why there would be opposition to them. What he does not get is Trump’s reasoning for bringing back plastic straws. “I don’t think that plastic is going to affect a shark very much as they’re eating, as they’re munching their way through the ocean,’' he said to justify his decision.
Even ET would have thought of a smarter answer.
Elon Gupta trumps Ajay
Many comparisons are being made between Elon Musk and the Gupta brothers. In the same way that Atul and his brothers Rajesh and Ajay were said to be running the South African presidency through president Jacob Zuma, Musk is accused of having captured Trump — and therefore the US administration.
However, at least with Zuma and the Gupta’s, South Africa never suffered the humiliation experienced by the Americans this week when Musk and his 4-year-old son, Lil’ X, effectively took over the Oval Office and overshadowed Trump at his own press conference.
As far as sovereignty goes, having a plane full of your relatives land at Waterkloof military airport is perhaps a little less offensive than having your 4-year-old son allegedly tell the president to “shush” in the glare of international cameras.
Mbuyiseni can hack it
Mbuyiseni Ndlozi has finally quit the Red Berets, but says he’s not a fraud and therefore will not follow his friend into the top echelons of Jacob Zuma’s MK Party. Instead, he said, he would become a talk-show host on PowerFM.
Hogarth would like to welcome The People’s Bae to the brave new world of journalism. If he is willing to take advice from an old hack, Hogarth proposes that the first guest on his show should be one Julius Malema.
Doc leaves Juju in waiting room
Hogarth was, however, surprised to learn how rapid the change has been for the Good Doctor since his departure from EFF. Suddenly he sees some good in President Cyril Ramaphosa. Instead of labelling him an agent of white monopoly capital, as he did when he was in the Red Berets, he now sees him as a sophisticated version of an African anti-imperialist. Also amusing has been Ndlozi’s regret that former international relations minister Naledi Pandor retired “prematurely” from politics as her “gravitas” and “maturity” would have made her perfect for the presidency in 2029. Which begs the question: What of Juju, the guy he and others have been telling us for years is the “president-in-waiting”.
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