Weird things happen in this great republic of ours. No, not the “very bad things” Trump imagines take place here. Hogarth was beside himself when he heard the Presidency’s announcement that McBuffalo was to undertake a visit to — wait for it — Johannesburg.
Old Hog assumed that, because Hyde Park — where the Buffalo lives — is a suburb in the Johannesburg metropole, the Buffalo Soldier was well versed in what is happening in his neighbourhood. Well, it turns out he has no clue.
After meetings with the inept Joburg mayor, McBuffalo told scribes he was “not very pleased” with the filth he saw in the CBD. “Of the two meetings I attended, the environment was not very pleasuring. I say this so that we can improve immensely,” he said. Has the Buffalo been living behind his couch for the past 20 years?
Please don’t say Gauteng
Never one to miss an opportunity to score political points, Cape Town mayor Geordin Hill-Lewis wasted no time putting his two cents in after hearing McBuffalo had complained about the state of Johannesburg when the city is preparing to host the upcoming G20 summit. Send the summit the way of Cape Town, he suggested to the prez.
But Gauteng premier Panyaza Lesufi was not pleased. “The mayor of Cape Town is mistaken because there are meetings in Limpopo, Mpumalanga and the Western Cape. There are meetings in Cape Town we have opened, and we felt we must not be selfish and say it’s a Gauteng event.” He was referring to meetings in the G20 build-up recently. But the fact remains that Panyaza is presiding over dilapidated cities.
Everything keeps going right
Members of the national house of chaos were back in the makeshift chamber, the Niewmeester parking site dome, on Thursday.
They were taking part in a Julius Malema-sponsored debate on the implications of US President Donald Trump pulling the plug on his administration’s $440m (about R8bn) Pepfar funding for South Africa’s HIV/Aids treatment programme.
Party after party, bar the likes of the Freedom Front Plus and ActionSA, slammed Trump’s decision.
But matters went south when the Patriotic Alliance’s Gayton McKenzie entered the fray to display what a big Trump fan he is.
“People are going to die. HIV is going to kill our people. If you hate America, that’s fine. If you hate Donald Trump, that’s fine. But this is not about Donald Trump — this is about the 230,000 people who will be out of jobs, the people who will be dying,” he said as ANC and DA MPs heckled him.
“I don’t care how you feel. The world is going right, and you are going the other [way]. I want to say to South Africans, ‘You can howl as much as you like, but at the moment we can’t give our doctors jobs.’”
Mic-drop moment
Shortly after McKenzie’s utterance at the Malema-brokered debate, it took a little-known ANC backbencher to give him a hot clapback.
During the adoption of an oversight report of the sports, arts & culture committee, the ANC’s Gaolatlhe Kgabo had MPs in stitches.
“As part of my closure, I will equally advise the minister of sports, arts & culture that he’s doing [well] in terms of sports, arts and culture.
“But he must avoid engagement [with] or discussion of the analysis of the international balance of forces. I’m saying this because you can’t, as a political toddler without any ideological training, enter into a space that is highly complex and dynamic. I thank you,” said Kgabo — as he dropped the mic.
Set cat among Irish and they’re toast
Hogarth noted that Irish rugby fans are still saying that, while the mighty Boks have now brought home their fourth World Cup trophy, they have been unable to beat the Irish in ages. Considering the Irish can’t make it past a quarterfinal, and the Boks can’t seem to beat them, one commentator wondered what would happen if these two teams ever met in a quarter.
This reminded Hogarth of an old saying about perpetual motion. South Africa playing Ireland in a quarter would be like sticking a slice of toast (buttered side up) to the back of a cat and throwing it in the air. The toast wants to land buttered side down, while the cat wants to land on its feet. Science, dear readers, is not strong enough to find this answer.
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