Sushi struggle is over
Now that Kenny Kunene is no longer Joburg MMC for transport, what is the city going to do about those images of him and founding president Nelson Mandela that are plastered on Rea Vaya bus terminals, from the CBD to Soweto?
Hogarth has long found it odd that city officials thought it OK to mount an advertising campaign with pictures of the world-renowned struggle icon next to the Sushi King. Yes, they may have both spent time in jail, but they have nothing in common. Placing the two next to each other is an attempt to steal the liberation struggle hero’s legacy and hand it to a man who became famous for eating sushi off semi-naked women’s bodies.
As karma would have it, though, the Sushi King was forced out of office during Mandela Month — a great birthday gift for Madiba.
Plaqued by errors
Baba kaDuduzane really misses being in government. So much so, he has taken to pretending he runs one. If he’s not flying to Morocco — and trying to dupe them into giving his MK Party money by pretending he can change South Africa’s pro-Western Sahara policy — he is out and about in his home province, “officially opening” shopping centres he had no hand in building.
The other day he was in KwaXimba, west of Durban, for such a ceremony. After much fanfare, he marked the official opening by removing a cloth covering a plaque. He then looked puzzled as he read it — it had the name of local chief Inkosi Mlaba as the person who had officially opened the centre.
Hide your scandals with Maskandi
Meanwhile, the country’s political gossiper-in-chief was back to his old ways this week, agreeing to be a guest on Tshidi Madia’s podcast, only so he could dish the dirt about former friends and foes alike. There were some real gems, including how — when Juju and Baba kaDuduzane held a one-on-one meeting at the Nkandla homestead — the Nkandla Crooner insisted on playing Maskandi music loudly on his radio, paranoid the government could be listening in.
Then there was Juju’s dramatic retelling of how the police pounced on a murder suspect’s house in Sandton — and were surprised to find Kenny Kunene there, allegedly in his pyjamas. The cops ordered Kenny to lie down on the floor, which, according to Juju, was a tall order. “Imagine Kenny with that stomach of his having to lie down,” he said.
Eish, it’s Ice Boy
But by far everybody’s favourite story from the podcast was when the EFF leader said it was “an extreme insult” to call former EFF chief-singer and now midmorning radio host Mbuyiseni Ndlozi an “ice boy” — which is basically someone who runs errands for a big boss.
His real “ice boy”, Julius Malema revealed, was former ANC MP Boy Mamabolo. For those with short memories, Mamabolo was once close to Malema during their days in Limpopo, and his claim to fame is that he once arrived in parliament clad in a tuxedo, earning himself the nickname of “Mr Our Perfect Wedding” — in reference to a popular wedding show on television.
Now that Malema and Mamabolo do not see eye to eye, Juju said of him: “I used to send him to fetch girls, send him to buy ice and alcohol. He didn’t have an opinion, even now he doesn’t have an opinion. He was useful for such things.” Mamabolo must have been stumped because he has, uncharacteristically, failed to respond to the claim.
Party pooper
Generally speaking, it proved to be a bad week for Old Boy. Chucked out of the ANC recently, he thought he’d follow in Juju’s steps and those of another Juju protégé, Floyd Shivambu, by also forming his own political party. He named his the “Mandela for President” party. But when he applied to register it with the Electoral Commission of South Africa, officials turned him down for noncompliance.
“Furthermore, the name ‘Mandela for President’ with associated green and black colours may be construed by voters as connected to founding president Nelson Mandela,” explained the IEC.
Hogarth suggests that Old Boy give up politics and try his hand as a wedding planner, or start an ice distribution business. He already has the nicknames and that’s excellent for marketing.
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