There’s an adage that says “talking to yourself is the first sign of madness”. Many clichés became clichés because they contain at least a grain of truth. This homespun aphorism, however, is total nonsense.
Perhaps it is meant to refer only to talking to oneself out loud in a public place. If you have a vocal chat with yourself over the relative merits of naartjies versus oranges in a crowded supermarket, you might not be mad but the people around you could consider you to be perhaps a little eccentric. Other shoppers will likely give you a wide berth in case you and yourself start a three-way conversation with them.
Still, everyone talks to themselves, usually in their heads but sometimes out loud, particularly if they are angry. How often have you heard people swear at themselves by name when they do something painful or silly?
I can imagine a certain person who lives in California shouting at himself in the mirror: “You idiot, Harry! Why on earth did you ever write that book?”
The same might be true of most of the mamparas that appear in this paper every Sunday, although no doubt there are a few who do not remonstrate with themselves for whatever act earned them the accolade.
“Don’t listen to them, Carl. You’re a brilliant politician and if people can’t see that then it’s all their own fault.”
Most of talk aloud to ourselves only when we are alone, or with pets who think we’re talking to them. It could be that those who live largely solitary lives are the same ones who forget to keep their voices down when discussing options with themselves at the fruit display.
Talking to oneself is not all that different from talking to someone else. If you are rude, dismissive or critical of yourself, yourself is going to be upset, exactly as anyone else would be if you addressed them in such an impolite manner.
This kind of conversation is not productive. On the other hand, being open, respectful, interested and engaged with yourself — on both sides of the conversation — can actually be good for you.
Talking to oneself is not all that different from talking to someone else
I’m not making this up. Neuropsychologist Paloma Mari-Beffa, in a 2017 essay for The Conversation, writes: “We actually talk to ourselves silently all the time. I don’t just mean the odd ‘where are my keys?’ comment — we actually often engage in deep, transcendental conversations at 3am with nobody else but our own thoughts to answer back. This inner talk is very healthy indeed, having a special role in keeping our minds fit. It helps us organise our thoughts, plan actions, consolidate memory and modulate emotions. In other words, it helps us control ourselves.”
Mari-Beffa and her colleagues conducted an experiment at Bangor University to try to discover whether keeping your inner conversation inside your head or vocalising it works better as a mind-control tool. The results indicated that telling oneself something out loud made one more successful at the task in hand. If you don’t believe it, listen to professional tennis players in action.
It would be fascinating to know what powerful people say to themselves when they are alone at 3am in the morning, apart from “I wish there was electricity so I could read instead of sitting here in the dark talking to myself”.
What might our president say when he is brushing his teeth in the solitude of his own bathroom? “Is this Paul fellow going to help or hinder me?” “When can I go back to the farm and stop carrying all these burdens?” “Can I trust my bodyguards?” “Where are my keys?”
While some talk to themselves in ways that do not help to build healthy self-esteem, many of us also use the device, whether in our minds or out loud, to warn ourselves of impending danger. Mari-Beffa references Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, who “observed that toddlers begin to control their actions as soon as they start developing language. When approaching a hot surface, the toddler will typically say ‘hot, hot’ out loud and move away. This kind of behaviour can continue into adulthood.”
Anyone considering taking on the post of minister for electricity might do well to warn themselves “hot, hot”, but of course the real problem is that while we might all talk to ourselves, we don’t always listen.
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