It wasn’t a good week for Gauteng premier Panyaza Lesufi. The man who has arguably the second-most difficult job in South Africa — preventing the province from falling into the hands of John Steenhuisen and Herman Mashaba next year — had both feet in his mouth in a single week. (Are you seriously asking which is the most difficult job in South Africa right now? Isn’t it obvious? Coaching Kaizer Chiefs, of course. Over there a coach gets stoned by his own fans at the slightest provocation but is still expected to deliver a trophy or two. Which explains why ... but this is not a BBKUnplugged column, Hogarth digresses.)
Back to Panyaza. He was on his home turf on the East Rand the other day, addressing members of the organisation under which he first made his mark as a politician — the South African Students Congress. So Hogarth isn’t surprised that he got carried away, threatening to fire police minister Bheki Cele (as if he were himself president) if the chief-cop-with-a-hat continued to refuse guns to the green-uniformed Gauteng “peace officers” who popularly go by the name amaPanyaPanya.
A few days later, surprisingly without being visited by Ndosi’s favourite police unit, the National Intervention Unit, the premier apologised for his outbursts — saying he thought he was having a gossip with student friends and didn’t know that — really, in this social media age? — at least one of them would see the talk as too good not to publish on X and Instagram.
Ah, the pitfalls of being a politician in the time of content creators.
We’ll drink to sobriety, or not
As if that whole saga wasn’t embarrassing enough for the ANC’s Gauteng messiah, he went on and did something completely out of character. You see, when he is not running government, politicking or showing up at Moroka Swallows games, Panyaza is known for being a spirited crusader against alcohol and alcohol abuse. Hogarth admits that at some stage during the hard lockdown, Panyaza’s social media sermons against the stuff nearly got him giving up on his brandy and Coke — the “alcohol-free South Africa” campaign Panyaza ran on Facebook was that persuasive.
So when the premier took to the same social media endorsing a “smart taverns” campaign by one green-bottle beer label, Hogarth nearly spilt his brandy in shock. Relax, the spin-doctor-turned-politician told his followers, “investment is above our individual preferences ... we must bring investments in our province to create jobs and opportunities”.
Hogarth wonders if the premier will object if he raises his glass to that.
Thapelo Amad (who?) ready to shine again
With Panyaza seemingly floundering, pretenders to the throne are coming out of the woodwork. Hogarth already knows of several who have started practising their “state of the province” addresses in anticipation of the ANC’s demise next year. But none is as surprising as one Thapelo Amad. Yes him, the man whose short stint as Johannesburg mayor is as memorable as Des van Rooyen’s stay at the National Treasury. He now reckons he will be the next premier.
“It is a new normal where parties not conventionally perceived to be government are the ones governing or leading government today,” he said in justification of his belief that he’ll be taking over.
If his stint as mayor is anything to go by, Gauteng is in for turbulent times with him in charge.
As far as he’s concerned, he’s a shoo-in
But this “ndikhetheni — elect me” trend is not limited to Gauteng. Even in the province that prides itself on being a “home of legends” it would seem that everybody wants to be a premier. Vusi Thanda, an average TV actor whose only claim to fame was to open each sentence in a TV series with the words “As far as I’m concerned”, has thrown his hat in the ring as the Eastern Cape premier candidate for the African Movement Congress — one of those opportunistic organisations that trade on having colours and names closely associated with bigger parties.
As far as Hogarth is concerned, the current premier, Oscar Mabuyane, is doing a much better job as a cabbage farmer than as leader of the province. But even the Eastern Cape, for all its faults, does not deserve Thanda pretending to run things in Bhisho like he did in that men’s hostel featured in the TV comedy series in which he (as far as he was concerned) starred.
Hard to keep up with COPE capers
Formed in 2008, COPE became the butt of political jokes fairly early on. Its leaders got embroiled in ruinous power battles shortly after their arrival in parliament after the 2009 elections.
Political mocking of COPE went from “Just like Coke Light is Coke, COPE is ANC Light” to “COPE is not coping”. Fifteen years later the mockery remains apposite.
Leader Mosiuoa Lekota and the last of the COPE gang kicked out now former Johannesburg speaker Colleen Makhubele from the struggle, er struggling, party after her face featured on another formation’s electoral paraphernalia.
But Makhubele would not leave without a fight and accused Lekota of betrayal. “Everybody is literally shocked at the decision to fire me. We were all seated here waiting for Lekota to attend our weekly Monday meeting to chart the way forward and for the voter registration weekend when, lo and behold, we received phone calls so say I’ve been axed.”
And with that, Lekota remains the last man standing in the little shebeen.
Of kickbacks and crowdfunding
Mthunzi Mdwaba, the CEO of Thuja Holdings, has been a busy man, running from one media house to the next peddling corruption allegations against several politicians and ministers.
Mdwaba claims the ministers of labour, finance and education, along with ANC head honcho Fikile Mbalula, sent emissaries to him asking for a R500m kickback. When he apparently declined, a potential R5bn deal involving an untested job creation scheme with the UIF was scuppered, Mdwaba claims.
But the alleged bribe solicitors have come out lawyers letters blazing, demanding Mdwaba withdraw his claims, along with a charge of crimen injuria.
And then the allegedly wealthy Mdwaba stunned us again by issuing a statement, with bank details attached, calling for crowdfunding donations ahead of the inevitable legal battle.
As a smart Hogarth reader, we trust you enough to discern what’s happening here!
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.